Published October 2, 2012
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140,376 Literary Works • 673,126 Reviews
This has good use of a variety of words and speaks about the subject well. Just some grammatical errors, characterisation should be characterization and "Being what i not seem to be" should be rephrased"Being what i don't seem to be" or "Being not what i seem to be." I think in the last line of the first stanza you could do without "disgusting" and on the line "Her heart so kind; unthinkably tender," I suggest putting an and between or making "unthinkably tender" its own line. I like the line "Look deep, deepest of my feeble heart" and the poem definitely has a strong sense of emotion and meaning.
thankz for that..will for sure take into serious consideration ur advice. Am actually new at this. Unfortunately,it ain easy to be complimented in Kenya,poor sense of language has caused me so much grief. But thatnks again
This is ...... Amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love this SSSSOOOO much. It really connects with reader and has a lot emotional ties in too. Mostly love the vocabulary usage and how they brought an center depth to this poem. Looking forward to reading more from you.
~Tribee91
merci...
This is a fantastic example of traditional prose poetry: descriptive, intellectual and well written. What I liked about this is the commanding lines, ordering the opposing character to realise the truth and renounce their judgmental and hypocritical ways.
When you write this, remember that all punctuation (save for quotation, inverted commas and brackets) require a space following them, especially commas and semi-colons. I'm going to resist correcting some of the grammar in this poem, as I'm not sure if they are mistakes or going along with the 'ye olde poetry' theme, but make sure you always double check for grammatical errors.
I did, however, notice a few spelling errors though:
1."disgusting uncertainity."
This should be: "disgusting uncertainty."
2. "Afight for"
Should be: "A fight for"
3. "for literation"
I think you meant: "for liberation"
^Not sure about that one, but this particular word would make sense in the situation.
Indeed, this is a fantastic piece of prose and I hope to see much more. Keep on writing!
If you want any help around YWS or another review, just send me a message.
Regards
DNX
cheers...