Mistakes

its a very nice poem, i liked that I could relate to it and speaking from experience most of it is true

Hi there , Roxy here, and welcome to YWS!
Its a nice simple poem, and a good first one to start off your YWS career!
A few little things though!
"when i was so little back then.
sometime i can't help but wish"
If you are going to have a full stop here, the next sentence has to start with a capital letter!
"Life used to be fun and sample." I think you mean simple here!
"Knonking down megga temples." I think you meant "knocking" and "mega"

You have a mixture of capitals and small letters when starting off your sentences, I think that you need to pick one and stick to it, keep it nice and clean looking!
I would of loved to have seen more in the poem (which is a good thing because it meant that I liked it and wanted to read on!) So maybe consider adding to it and not making the ending so abrupt? Personal opinion!

All in all I liked it

Keep it up!

Hey Jay! Welcome to YWS! I'm going to do a quick stanza by stanza review. In each stanza, I'll highlight what I liked, and what I think could use improvement. I'll also tell you the sort of feeling I got off of it, just so you know your message is coming through clearly. Here goes!

The second line is the weak link in the first stanza. It's technically redundant to say 'when I was little back then'. You'd be better off shortening the line and sticking with either, 'when I was so little', or 'I was so little back then'. I do like the nostalgic feel you are going for. Always be sure to use proper capitalization, and make your I's upper case.

You are trying a little too hard to make this rhyme, and the poem is suffering for it. Also, some technical issues in stanza two:

it become less fun should be becomes less fun.

In the last line, fixed should be fix.

In stanza three, the concept of fun is getting a little stressed. Life cannot be 'full of trembles'. Maybe it makes you tremble? I like the imagery in the last two lines, but 'megga' should be 'mega'. And 'knonking' should be 'knocking'.

The last stanza is the most well written! I can tell you really worked hard on it. Put that same energy into the other three stanzas, and your poem will be nice! Keep writing, Jay, and have fun.

Great poem, mistakes here and there but great! Here's something you'll need to take note of:
Mega is not spelled like this, Megga.
Knonking? I think you meant 'Knocking'
Your I's need to be capitalized when by themselves.
When you wrote, "it become less fun", you were supposed to write Becomes. Just a small mistake you made.
Besides these, your poem is flawless. Not too long, not too short. It's just right. I know you're starting, but you are doing good! Keep it up!

Ok, so here are a few things to work on:

Grammar:
Try fixing the typos, they have already been stated so I won't go over them again and beat a dead horse as the saying goes. However, be sure to spend a little more time on that before posting. While some typos are ok, some are a little more obvious.

Rythym/Flow:
In some spots it's a little rough. It sounds forced where there is some ryhming, for example:
"Life used to be fun and sample.
But now it full of tremble."
Sounds a little awkward, maybe rephrase it. It doesn't have to ryhme after all.

Content:
So this is a pretty generic poem. Try interjecting a little more imagery here, you touched base on it, but I think you could push it a little further.

Poetry can be rough, especially if you are just starting out. It will improve with time, experience, and critique. Also reviewing others poetry and seeing other poems critiques can help you avoid some other mistakes. Good luck and keep writing!

~Kay

Comment: This is a really neat poem but, what was your mistake? How did it happen. You made this poem very clear and simple. So, easy to read your exspression through this poem about your past life.

Errors:
1. Your "i's" need to be capitiliozed.
2. " It seems life goes on" should have a "," after it.
3. After the " But" in " But now it full of tremble" should be a ",".
4. In the same line as error 3, it should be: "But, now it is fulol of tremble."
5. All your lines should be capitolized.

This is such a good poem Two thumbs up. I hope to see more of your work!

Megz219

Hey there!

I love the subject of this poem, I think it's something a lot of people feel.

I have no quarrels with the content or the structure of your poem, just some of your capitalisation and spelling needs correcting...

"I remember years ago,
when i was so little back then.
sometime i can't help but wish
that i was small again."

I love this introduction, and the rhyming couplet you have included. However, the first person pronoun 'I' demands a capital, so all your lower case 'i's need to be corrected, this applies to the rest of your poem also.

"It seems as life goes on
it become less fun.
I wish i could go back in time,
so i can fixed the mistake i've done"

As I said before, your lower case 'i's need capitalising. Also 'I've' demands a capital 'I' at the start. I think you should change 'become' for 'becomes' as it seems to read strangely, also 'fixed' for 'fix' and 'mistake' for 'mistakes' as the last line doesn't read well as English.

"Life used to be fun and sample.
But now it full of tremble.
Like an unstoppable earthquake
Knonking down megga temples."

Instead of 'sample', do you mean 'simple', as this would then make sense. Also I believe that your 'it' needs to be an 'its', and there should be a comma instead of a full stop after 'tremble' as you are carrying on from that line. I believe also that you meant 'Knocking' instead of 'Knonking' just a small typo, also instead of using the slang 'megga', I would use a different describing word such as mighty or colossal.

Your last stanza contains no spelling errors or grammatical errors, with the exception of the lower case 'i's. Reviewing your work can help you with some of these small typos

Sorry for being nit-picky

Keri