Bloody Rose

by chickita
  • February 3, 2011
  • Poetry
  • Lyrical

Just so you know, I don't really "write" my poetry until it's done. So if you wonder what I was thinking while I wrote this, good question, I don't even know.



When I walk into my room
I feel I'm walking in a tomb
Of Ancient Kings and Emperors past
That sometimes makes me turn. Alas
The Suffering. Mind Boggling.

With history books, their pages turn.
I wonder but I never learn
Why kings sit on their thrones all day,
And courtmen simply turn away.
Such Progress? Now Congress?

Is it good for those below
To wish for higher, then to know
That they have found it, now to see
They're facing their own trickery.
From Those. A Rose

Symbolizes right, but then,
A Bloody Rose can't be a friend.
It is a sign of life lost now
It is not good. Still question, how?
A Sign? The Line?

A bitter end still waits for those
Who meddle with the Bloody Rose.
So are you one who meddles thus
With such a nasty painful lust?
A Curse.The Worst.

Dictators often come to Power
By use of such a deadly flower
Are you one of them we see
While looking through our history?
A Flower? For Power?



Spoiler! :
Little is what it seems to be.
This poem is full of trickery.
If as you read, the symbols see
Then I commend you gratefully.

:D

Comments & reviews · 2
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chickita Comment
chickita commented · Fri Feb 04, 2011 9:28 pm

Okay, there. I did what I could. Still, I can't think of anything to go in place of "The Suffering. Mind Boggling." yet, but when I do, I'll fix that too.

User avatar
BluesClues
Review
BluesClues wrote a review · Fri Feb 04, 2011 1:28 am

Overall, I liked this. I have only a few nit-picks.

When I walk into my room
I feel I'm walking in a tomb
Of Ancient Kings and EMperors past
That sometimes makes me turn. Aghast. ["Aghast" feels weird here by itself. Not out of place, per say, but it will sound and look better if you can weld it to the rest of the line - maybe no period. Otherwise I would say "alas" would fit better, standing on its own, even though it's not quite as close a rhyme.]
The Suffering
Mind Boggling [I like these lines but they aren't even really near rhymes, which is at variance with the rest of the poem. Otherwise my comment, for these two lines and the last two of every verse, is, consider putting the two lines together on one line. Just a suggestion - it's just a bit jarring to go from longer lines to two lines at the end of each verse that are half as long.]


Also, in the third stanza, in the line ending in "only to see," I feel like there's one syllable too many. Just pointing that out.

Otherwise, I think you did a great job, and none of the rhymes felt forced, so props to you!

~Blue

P.S. I loved the verse in the spoiler...also, I think it applies to most poetry..... :)



So, please, oh please, we beg, we pray, go throw your TV set away, and in its place you can install a lovely bookcase on the wall.
— Roald Dahl