Published December 19, 2011
Hearing laughter echo,
Just out of my reach;
In lonely solitude,
On a snowy beach.
When will you come,
And see me here?
I wait for the time,
When you draw near.
Turning my head,
Out, to the open sea;
All the while thinking,
Do you miss me?
Looking the other way,
Tasting the icy breeze;
Holding my breath in,
Just to suddenly freeze.
There, in my window sill,
Sits a lighted candle stick,
But what really made me stop
Stood just a ways behind it.
"It's you!" I cry,
I knew you would come,
Running to the door,
Where you came in from.
You pull me in close,
To whisper in my ear,
"Two years it's been,
Merry Christmas, my dear."
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,804 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww <3!
I loved it so much! ^.^ Especially the last two lines. Wow!
There are no mistakes I guess. This was very good. ^.^
Just one thing to say. When writing a poem. You have comma's and full-tops. And stuff. Sure, you've put that here. But there's something else. You, me and other people make this mistake. We begin every line with a "CAPITAL" letter. Why? I have no clue. Maybe to make it look better? *sigh* The thing this, my friend told me that you don't actually have to start every line with a capital letter. If the previous line was a comma, then the next line followed shouldn't have a capital. Only if it has a full-stop, you may begin the followed by sentence with a capital letter.
That's all I have to say now.
Overall: Extremely good. Keep it up. Maybe a 9/10 for this. <3
Keep Writing!
Cookie
I, personally, suck at coming up with titles. I think maybe a better title might be (and I usually go with something for the first or last stanza) would be "Merry Christmas, My Dear". Because this poem is really quite lovely, but your title made me hesitant to click it since the title reads off as "I'm choppy, sloppy, and hardly coherent. Edit me!" Which is why I clicked it in the first place, thinking I'd be cleaning up a mess of words on a document. But this, this is no mess. It's a little bland, but has lovely imagery and a very cute ending. Keep writing! (and work on that title! haha)