Published September 10, 2010
Playfully we smiled,
and flirted to our hearts content.
We pranced around in circles,
twisted and bent
We were so close,
We had lots of fun,
But now I cant hear you,
I think we might be done.
As I come up behind you,
you don't even stir.
But I will always love you,
now and ever more.
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Canary word: Present
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140,799 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Well, I like what has been write, but this just doesn't tell enough. You state that there was a relasionship, but thats it. You don't really tell about the relationship. You tell that you broke up, but not why. Like I said, I like what has been written,
This is really sweet and a good endinf to the poem, I think that if you added some more body to the poem, tell more, but some imagry in it, some similies and metophirs it would be good. Writing is about going all out and making something beautiful! This can be great with some work...
Oh, and
Keep write!!
~Rain~
thank you so so much!
What a cute poem ^-^. Great style, great rhythm, great rhyming, Obviously Flower over there has never been in love before, teehee ^-^. This poem was styled very similarly to how I do my poems! And it was also the perfect length; just long enough to get your point across without dragging on.
Keep writing!
~RO
Hello there, Flower here, and I will be your reviewer for the evening! Welcome to YWS by the way. I hope that you are finding everything ok. If not them just send me a message and I will try and help you. Anyway onto the review.
I think this is awkward how you ended it. You just stop, and at the end of the poem you havn't really told us anything.All in all I think this needs a bit of work. I think that you should make this longer, and add more detail. We don't really know what happened throughout the poem. It just kind of jumps around. Use colorful adjectives, and stuff like that, and you will be on the path to success.
I hope I helped, let me know if you need anything.
-Flower-