salsashanno wrote:Tell me what you think, I'm not much of a poet so I'd like some feedback!
The party was loud.
My head was silent.
The faces were unfamiliar
But when you walked in
I became vibrant.
We had a good time, you and I.
Played some games, had a ball
But what did we conclude,
At the end of it all?
Is it really love?
Could it be true?
Is it just this far off fantasy insert an "or" at the beginning of the line
That I've adapted to you? adapted is a little awkward, try associated maybe
I give your hair a ruffle
And your arms a squeeze,
Am I being too friendly?
Too near?
Too far?
Will I ever please? love this stanza
But please who?
Is yet again the question. take out the "yet again"
Are you really the one
Who's gotten me weak at the knees
Or is it just my mind
Having a tease?
You don’t make me laugh
You don’t make me cry
You aren’t funny
You're just lame rhythm is off, add an extra syllable here maybe?
Yet no one else
Is quite the same.
Your face
It doesn’t make me swoon.
Your body
It doesn’t make me blush.
Still, for some reason
Only you can give me such a rush.
That time we watched West Side Story
“It’s when I don’t look that I feel something”
Never seemed so true.
I think, somehow
my heart has fallen
in love with you.
Overall, excellent poem. Like the other reviews said, expand and add more. However, I really like the theme of the poem and how you concentrate on his imperfections.
Points: 803
Reviews: 107
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