Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Article / Essay » General

12+

A Christmas Carol Short

by chavis


A REVIEW OF Charles Dickins’ “A CHRISTMAS CAROL” – by William Chavis

English – 1st Semester, 2018-2019

A CHRISTMAS CAROL, authored by Charles Dickins. The story is about Ebenezer Scrooge. His story has been told many different ways, but with the same ending. Ebenezer Scrooge was the richest dude in the town. He kept all the money to himself, and was cheap. He felt everyone should just take care of themselves, like Trump. The Ghost of Christmas Past visited Scrooge and took him to his past showing him his innocence and how he had done bad things to others in the past.

The ghost of Christmas present visited Also Scrooge was shown how he chose money over his girlfriend, and how that choice was wrong. Scrooge happy celebrating by others in that Christmas season, but that these good times would end. And was shown tiny Tim’s family and how he was to die soon, but how he and his family kept their spirits up in a tough time.

The Ghost of Christmas future, or yet to come, visited him also and showed Scrooge his own funeral and how no one would attend his funeral due to him being rude all of the time, and only one person would go to his funeral if paid in food. Scrooge was affected by this and learned he would have to change his ways if he wanted anyone to care about him when he gets old.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
54 Reviews


Points: 155
Reviews: 54

Donate
Mon Jun 10, 2019 9:03 pm
SofieR wrote a review...



Hey there! Sofie here with a review :)

So, if this is indeed a school assignments, there area few revisions I would definitely recommend making. First, you do use a lot of vernacular that, if I were your teacher, I would consider not appropriate for an assignment. "Dude". "Cheap" "Old" There are more articulate ways to illustrate these points than these words. These words are quite... bland I would say?


"The ghost of Christmas present visited Also Scrooge was shown how he chose money over his girlfriend, and how that choice was wrong. Scrooge happy celebrating by others in that Christmas season, but that these good times would end. And was shown tiny Tim’s family and how he was to die soon, but how he and his family kept their spirits up in a tough time."

This paragraph is actually quite well thought out. I think you did a good job of articulating your own analysis of the material is a clear and concise way. I would elaborate a bit more on your analysis. Give more detail!

"Scrooge was affected by this and learned he would have to change his ways if he wanted anyone to care about him when he gets old.

You definitely need to work on your conclusion. You want your conclusion to be memorable, to leave the reader thinking about your take on the given material. I would expand on your conclusion. Really make sure you leave the reader with an impactful statement that really resonates.

I think that's all I got! Good luck on this assignment!




User avatar
412 Reviews


Points: 65938
Reviews: 412

Donate
Mon Jun 03, 2019 2:23 pm
Tuckster wrote a review...



Hey there chavis! Tuck stopping by for a short review. Welcome to the site, by the way! I hope you enjoy your time here. :)

Ebenezer Scrooge was the richest dude in the town.
"Dude" is a little too informal to be used in what I assume is a school assignment

He felt everyone should just take care of themselves, like Trump.
This seems like an unnecessary jab. While it may be true, it makes your writing less objective and limits your audience to a more liberal crowd.

The ghost of Christmas present visited Also Scrooge was shown how he chose money over his girlfriend, and how that choice was wrong.
At minimum, there should be a period after "visited" here, but I would go a step farther and encourage you to rewrite these sentences. It's a very awkward transition between the first sentence and the second sentence, and if these are connected events, you could say "The ghost of Christmas present visited Scrooge and showed him how....", which would make these two ideas more connected and help your story flow better.

And was shown tiny Tim’s family and how he was to die soon, but how he and his family kept their spirits up in a tough time.
This is a fragment, so I would recommend taking out "And" and replacing it with "He", and to make it even a bit better, I would rephrase the second part of that sentence to say "but he and his family..." or "but he also saw how he and his family...". Both of those options make these two parts go together a little bit better and removes some of the awkward transition.

Overall, I think you had some very good interpretation throughout this review! It's clear from this review that you read it thoroughly and understood it well, which is always the first step to writing a review or an essay on any topic. I liked the brevity of it as well, but I think it would do you good to expand a little bit more on some of your points and maybe take some of your points a bit farther. For example, you could build a powerful conclusion by adding a practical application towards the end of your last paragraph—saying something like "Scrooge's life teaches us..." and then fill in whatever your main argument is there.

I liked the way you concisely summarized Scrooge's character, but I also would have liked to see a sentence about Scrooge's mindset after the ghost of Christmas present visits him. Is Scrooge still holding onto this idea that he's the most important person and refusing to allow his heart to be softened, or is this the beginning of a transition towards a more caring Scrooge?

Finally, I would like to hear a little bit more than "Scrooge was affected by this". Perhaps put this in stronger terms, like "This motivated Scrooge to make a life change and start treating people differently so that people would care about him when he gets old" or "This deeply affected Scrooge; he realized the error of his ways and felt guilty about how he had treated people" or something to that extent.

I would also strongly encourage you to remove your full name from YWS. While we do our best to keep YWS a safe community, this is still a public page that anybody can access; you don't even need an account to see this literary work. Abbreviating it to either your username or your first name would still have the same effect and it wouldn't put you in danger like having your full name on the Internet would.

Hopefully my critiques were helpful and you didn't find this too harsh! You definitely have a good platform here that you can build on, and I hope that I was able to give you some ideas for how to expand on it and make some improvements! If you have any questions, just let me know and I'd be happy to provide clarifications. Most importantly, keep writing!

~Tuckster




User avatar
711 Reviews


Points: 600
Reviews: 711

Donate
Mon Jun 03, 2019 7:00 am
ShadowVyper wrote a review...



Hey Chavis,

I see you're fairly new to YWS, so firstly, WELCOME! I hope you're enjoying it so far! If you have any questions or problems feel free to shoot me a PM or drop a line on my wall, I'm always happy to help! That being said, let's jump into a review for your essay...

Ebenezer Scrooge was the richest dude in the town.


If this is for an academic essay you might want to consider being more formal than using "dude" in it. "Man" or even "guy" would have less of a casual feel than the way you currently have it phrased.

He felt everyone should just take care of themselves, like Trump.


You might want to be cautious about airing political opinions in English essays. I'm starting to get vibes that this was meant as a humorous review instead of a serious academic essay, but even so, bringing politics into things where they don't belong frequently doesn't end well lol. Besides, with the way you have it phrased currently you could either read it as he felt, like Trump does, that everyone should take care of themselves -- which is how I assume you mean it to be interpreted. OR you could read it that Scrooge thought that everyone should take care of themselves, like Trump takes care of himself. Not a super clear way to phrase things.

~ ~ ~

Overall, I thought this was a nice little essay! It's pretty short and concise, and fairly... topical. It's not really a review -- it's more of a summary. A review goes more in depth with analyses and talking about what specific aspects of the story means. This is more just summarizing what happens in a Christmas Carol without really delving into the themes that are addressed in that story. You might want to put a bit more thought into how deep this essay should go -- though this was certainly a good framework you can work from if you decide you want to edit this further in the future!

One last note -- if that's your real name then I STRONGLY urge you to edit it out. We try to make YWS a safe community for everyone, but even so, it IS the internet and you never know who you might run into here. As an internet safety plea we urge people not to share their full names on this site. You could very easily just leave it at "Chavis" for this post, since that's what your username on here is, which would remove the risk of people having access to your full name.

Hope this helps! Keep writing!

~Shady 8)





"Think of all the beauty still left around you, and smile."
— Anne Frank