I like this story and your writing style. They're both really great. =] I hope you write more, though because I don't really like cliff hangers all too well, and I don't think most people do, either. Ha ha.
This is just one of the chapter that I was working on, but never finished ><
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A small hand rose up from underneath the stone picnic table and tried to make its way to the open pink box, only for it to be stopped by another hand.
My hand.
I swatted Sam’s hand away and gave her a stern look. “Don’t touch it. We don’t know if it’s edible, so let’s just wait for Jack to arrive and find out, okay?”
Sam pouted. “Ugh, I don’t know how you can do that. Blueberry muffins are your favorite, I would’ve chomped it down already,” she said, twirling a strand of her sandy colored hair.
“You have no idea how much I’m suffering right now,” I said, my eyes fixated on the perfectly made muffin. When I took it out of my locker it was still warm. At that moment I could actually smell its delicious aroma, and my mouth started to water.
Where the hell was Jack?
“There he is. Took ya long enough,” she said, pointing at the tall, lanky figure approaching us. His jet black hair was neatly combed to the side and his fashionable thick rimmed glasses were sitting comfortably on the bridge of his nose.
“Hey guys,” he spoke meekly. He sat down next to Sam and adjusted his glasses. “What’s up with the muffin?” he asked nodding at it.
“Well,” I started folding my hands together. “Would you-“but Sam cut me off. “Emily wants you to take a bite, and if you don’t drop dead on the ground I’m allowed to take a few bites as well, so chop-chop!” she ushered.
I grimaced. “Thanks for being so subtle, Sam. Really, if I need to tell someone to go fuck off, you’ll be the first one I call.”
I turned to Jack. “So are you going to take a bite or what?” I asked.
He chuckled at first but, when I didn’t speak he shook his head frantically, making it clear that he would not risk his life for us.
“Oh come on, don’t be such a pansy, Jack. Man up and take a bite,” Sam said.
“If I’m such a pansy, why don’t you take a bite?” He countered.
I got up from my seat, biting my lower lip. The sound of those two bickering was absolutely horrible. Samantha would speak at a ridiculous speed, making her voice almost sound like a mouse, and Jack would squeak every now and then, obviously showing that he was still going through puberty.
This is ridiculous; we're all scared of a muffin. What’s the worst thing that could happen? I nodded curtly to myself and turned around back to the table, smacking my hands down and making them stop bickering.
“You know what? Let’s all going to take a bite.”
Sam’s face lit up like she had never eaten a muffin before, and a nervous squeak emitted from Jack’s lips.
I lifted up the muffin from its box. Just as I was about to divide it, I noticed the small glaze stars on the edge of the muffin. So this was the personalization he/she meant.
I stared at it for a few seconds before the whiny voice of Sam made me continue again. I divided it with my hands, giving each of them a pile of muffin crumbles in their palms. I eyed them both and then nodded. “Eat.”
Sam immediately threw the crumbs in her mouth so all Jack and I had to do was wait and see if something would happen. She chewed slowly and then swallowed. She then let out a moan of satisfaction. With her eyes closed she spoke, “I hope your secret admirer keeps giving you those muffins, ‘cause this is absolutely delicious!” Her eyes popped open and her gaze immediately went to my pile of crumbs. Almost reluctantly, I gave them up. After all, blueberry muffins were my favorite.
I placed my elbows on the table and let my head rest in the palm of my hand. Jack was carefully picking up the crumbs and chewed slowly, probably trying to savor the taste of the blueberry muffin whereas Sam just threw them in her mouth and chewed hastily.
“So Emily, what are you going to do about the whole Noah-Alex thing?”
I sighed at the sound of his name--of their names. “I’m going to tell him today, that’s for sure. I just really hope that we remain as friends. I mean, you know how he can be at times.”
Sam wiped her mouth clean. “Yeah, I know he turns into a bipolar asshole sometimes.” She lifted her bag from the ground and began rummaging through it. She pulled out her mobile phone. “Oh, by the way, he asked me to show you this.” She pushed a few buttons and turned it around, showing me the screen. It was a text message from Noah.
"Sam, you didn’t tell me that Emily changed her cell.
Anyway, could you tell her to wait for me at the parking lot, I’ll bring her home.
Thanks."
“I suggest you tell him then, before it’s too late,” she said, closing the phone and pocketing it. She checked her watch and cursed.
“Jack we need hurry up and go to chemistry. Bye Emily,” she stood up from the table, pulling Jack along with her. “Go get ‘em, sport!” he said.
I groaned. “Thanks.”
While they were walking away I could her Sam scolding him about his little comment. With a heavy heart I picked up my bag and started walking to schools parking lot.
I like this story and your writing style. They're both really great. =] I hope you write more, though because I don't really like cliff hangers all too well, and I don't think most people do, either. Ha ha.
Hi! i really liked the story, is very interesting and fun. I loved the characters. They were different but they somehow complemented each other, i mean sam is allperky while Jack is kind of layed down and nerdy (I imagine him a little bit nerdy,lol). But I'd like to know more about emily since she is the principal character and the one narrating the story. I like how you make it sound like a normal teenager conversation (like the ones i have with my friend)talking about crushes, secret admirers, etc, etc. there are a few mistakes in the grammar, like punctuations, commas. I hope you keep writing about this because i want to know more. I imagined every bit of the story, but it would have helped me a little if I knew a bit about the background (I suppose the picnic table was outside. lol, picnic tables are meant to be outside).
"
Sam, you didn’t tell me that Emily changed her cell.
Anyway, could you tell her to wait for me at the parking lot, I’ll bring her home.
Thanks."
This is ridiculous; we're all scared of a muffin. What’s the worst thing that could happen?
“Well,” I started folding my hands together. “Would you-“but Sam cut me off. “Emily wants you to take a bite, and if you don’t drop dead on the ground I’m allowed to take a few bites as well, so chop-chop!” she ushered.
Hello! As I said to Mr. Knightley, I'm sorry it took so long to get to this--I've had kind of a crazy few days. It looks like most of what I would have said has already been said by now, but here goes.
I second Mr. Knightley's comment about the punctuation. Tend to your commas and dialogue tags and this story will come out sounding much more professional. I try to avoid clogging forums with intense grammar Nazi blitzes, but if you'd like me to do a grammar work-up to explain what I mean, just PM me and I'll be happy to oblige.
As YA romance goes, I found this quite compelling. I have to confess that this genre isn't usually my cup of tea, but the characters look well developed and it seems like you've got a good story in mind. Your dialogue rarely feels forced or put-on--which is more than I can say for mine, especially when I was your age! 
Overall, I'd say you're going strong. Well done.
Keep writing!
~Stripes
I truly appreciate all the reviews :]
An idea just sprung me and now I'm so excited to get started, so I'd just like to say thanks to each and everyone of you. I used to think that this story was a lost cause. Hopefully I will be able to write chapters from what just hit me.
EllyMelly:I didn't intend on posting this chapter, but I had to post something for a competition thing I was in, so that's why it's so unfinished. I do agree with you on the whole bipolar thing. Writers should never use a disease when they haven't fully researched it and understand it completely. I wrote this when I just turned 14 and thought that using big words was a way to make my writing stronger x_x.
About the text message; half of my friends don't even type their message in chat speak because that actually takes longer than just writing them normally xD.
Heya Steph <-- mind if I call ya that? 
Kat's here to review this!
Nit-piks:
When I took it out of my locker it was still warm.
“Well,” I started folding my hands together. “Would you-“but Sam cut me off. “Emily wants you to take a bite, and if you don’t drop dead on the ground I’m allowed to take a few bites as well, so chop-chop!” she ushered.
I grimaced. “Thanks for being so subtle, Sam. Really, if I need to tell someone to go fuck off, you’ll be the first one I call.”
This is ridiculous; we're all scared of a muffin.
“You know what? Let’s all going to take a bite.”
Sam immediately threw the crumbs in her mouth so all Jack and I had to do was wait and see if something would happen. She chewed slowly and then swallowed. She then let out a moan of satisfaction.
"Sam, you didn’t tell me that Emily changed her cell.
Anyway, could you tell her to wait for me at the parking lot, I’ll bring her home.
Thanks."
“I suggest you tell him then, before it’s too late,” she said, closing the phone and pocketing it. She checked her watch and cursed.
“Jack we need hurry up and go to chemistry. Bye Emily,” she stood up from the table, pulling Jack along with her. “Go get ‘em, sport!” he said.
While they were walking away I could her Sam scolding him about his little comment. With a heavy heart I picked up my bag and started walking to schools parking lot.
Almost reluctantly, I gave them up. After all, blueberry muffins were my favorite.
Hi! I don't normally review romance, but I'll give it my best.
Punctuation
I found a few of spelling and punctuation marks throughout. Nothing big, but it can tend to be a little tiresome after the first couple times.
Clarity
I got very confused as to what was happening at first. I was wondering what this story had to do with a blueberry muffin, and who these two girls were. The story starts off with them sitting... somewhere. I had to figure out for myself where they were, and what they were doing. I would suggest that before you even start writing, picture in your head where you want the story to take place. Then, make sure you are conveying it properly into words. That way, the reader can tell exactly what you are trying to say. I don't mean that I had absolutely no idea what was going on, but I did have to fill in some blank spaces, if you take my meaning.
Plot
The plot was creative. This girl finding a muffin from her secret admirer made me laugh. Whenever I imagine secret admirers, I think of roses and giant boxes chocolates. But never would I expect this kind of gift. Good work pulling off these girls moods, too. I knew from the start what kind of personalities they both had.
Overall
I liked your story much more than I would expect. I never read romance, but that's not what it felt like I was reading at all. In a way, it was humorous, especially the dialogue. The only 'major' issue I could see was the clarity of this work, and that was not much. Then again, I don't really know what you were trying to pull off with this story. You might have pulled off what you intended exactly. Keep up the good work, and keep throwing those curveballs, like the blueberry muffin! 
I didn't find many errors that were too bad, so well done. I love this story so far, and how everything isn't boldly stated in the beginning; I like finding out while I read. This has to be one of the shortest critiques I've done. I feel like a failure xD.
Please post the next part to this soon.
Good Morning Certain Romances.
I swatted Sam’s hand away and gave her a stern look.
she said, twirling a strand of her sandy colored hair.
Where the hell was Jack?
I grimaced. “Thanks for being so subtle, Sam. Really, if I need to tell someone to go fuck off, you’ll be the first one I call.”
Sam wiped her mouth clean. “Yeah, I know he turns into a bipolar asshole sometimes.”
"Sam, you didn’t tell me that Emily changed her cell.
Anyway, could you tell her to wait for me at the parking lot, I’ll bring her home.
Thanks."
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