This story isn't complete, so please be patient!
Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.
Hey, you. Yes, you, the person reading this. It seems that you’ve found my journal somehow. I’m not sure how, but you have. Feel free to invade my privacy by reading it. No, I really don’t care if you read it. Just return it to me, my address is... oh, never mind, it wouldn’t be a good idea to put that up. I don’t want creeps following me around. If you’re reading this, just keep the journal, destroy it, whatever, I can always make a new one. Anyways, I guess, enjoy!
-Cleo
"Angel-1, Call 173, unknown emergency." The robotic female voice came through my radio.
"Dispatch, this is Angel-1, show me responding code 3," I replied through the radio, "ETA 5 minutes."
"Alright, be careful, though, the caller said something about a gun," The dispatcher replied.
"I'm always careful!" I laughed into the radio, but secretly I was starting to get nervous. This should be a regular call, but something didn't feel right. As I pulled up to the property, I saw a locked gate. I would need to walk the rest of the way. As I exited my car I heard a leaf crunch off to my left.
"Must be an animal," I told myself. Suddenly, a loud BANG sounded from where I had heard the crunch. I could feel the heat of the bullet as it grazed my ear. That asshole actually shot me! Quickly, I drew my gun, but before I could shoot, another BANG sounded. This time it hit my chest, and I felt it go right through my vest. Immediately I opened fire, hitting the guy a few times. BANG BANG BANG! I took 3 more shots to the chest before the guy finally fell.
"Shots fired, there was an ambush," I said into my radio, my voice shaking, "The suspect is down, I'm hit."
"Alright, I'm on my way," A voice came through my radio, "I'll be there shortly."
"Ok," I replied. I sat against my truck and felt a burning pain in my wing. Extending it, I saw that the first bullet had ripped through my left wing. I forced myself to look away from my wound.
"I'm going to feel that for a while," I said to myself. Looking over into the woods I saw a flash of something. Wait, is that a person watching me? But they were too quick for me to get a good look at them, disappearing into the bushes before I could really comprehend what was happening.
"Must be the blood loss messing with me," I told myself. Finally, I could hear distant sirens approaching. Everything was fading, the burning in my chest and wing eased, and everything felt cold. Try as I might, I just couldn't keep my eyes open. I must've passed out, because when I woke, I was in the hospital. A hospital I didn't recognize...
Wait, I don't recognize this place was the first thought that came to my mind when I woke. I had been to all the hospitals in my area, and none of them had stone walls. I also noted that there were no windows and that there was only a closet door and the door that presumably went outside. I tried to sit up and immediately regretted it. There was a blast of pain in my chest as I sat up, causing me to fall back into the bed. Oh yea, bullet wound I remembered.
"Pain means I'm alive," I said to myself, "I guess I'm not dead after all." Looking around the room again, I saw that it did look like a hospital room, but with a few strange machines I didn't recognize. I also saw that my vest and duty belt were sitting on a table nearby. Then I heard footsteps. The footsteps came down the hall outside my room, stopping outside the door to my room. The door opened and a few people walked in, dressed in nurse and doctor uniforms. I sat up, expecting pain, but it wasn't as bad this time.
"So, Cleo, how do you feel this morning?" the first doctor asked. Wait, how does he know my first name? The nameplates on our vests only have our last name, so there's no way he would know...
"Well?" he asked, obviously expecting an answer.
"I... I feel fine," I said, startled from my thoughts.
"That's good," the doctor replied, "Any pain?"
"No sir," I lied. At this point, all the alarm bells in my head were ringing. Something wasn't right about this guy. In fact, something wasn't right about all of these people, but I couldn't quite put my finger on what was wrong with them.
"Alright," the doctor said, "We'll check in on you later." With that, the doctors and nurses left the room. I heard a small 'click' as the door locked behind them.
Well, shit. Now I'm locked in a room. I never did well locked in a room. The last time I was locked in a room, it was for a dare. I ended up having a panic attack. Now I'm just praying I don't have another panic attack. Luckily, I don't feel the symptoms of a panic attack coming on just yet. As I try to stand up, another blast of pain hit me. But this time, I was ready. I was able to stand without falling, which is a start. I check the door first. Yep, definitely locked. Checking the closet, I saw that it was empty. I was trapped. Sitting back on the bed, I noticed that the stone walls looked more like a cavern than a room. The walls were curved rather than straight, and the stone walls had an orangeish-red hue to them.
"Must be sandstone," I said to no one in particular. I looked at the door again and contemplated kicking it down, but decided not to. All it would do is aggravate my injuries and piss off the people I had just seen. Extending my wing, I looked at my injury. Someone had stitched the wound shut, and it wasn't hurting as much as it was earlier. After thoroughly exploring my room and finding nothing, I decided to lay back down and get some sleep. After all, what else could I do?
To be continued...
Cover art courtesy of DeepAI.org
True Angel by Liam Campbell is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.
Cleo is wounded…I wonder what will happen when they wake up. They’ll be in the hospital, but what if someone takes them away? It could happen…I wonder if that woman Cleo was talking to in the last story will be in this rewrite. I’ll be checking the other chapters for more. I liked this chapter so far.
I hope that you will have a marvelous and amazing day and night.
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: So, this was quite the eventful first chapter here. For the most part I quite enjoyed the read. I think you've done a great job overall with it in terms of creating that bit of suspense, having a quick little action moment in the midst of it and the slight mystery and cliffhanger of that very last scene there. I think if there was one thing that's a bit off here, its the journal aspect. While there are some parts that could work, a few bits here and there are just too precise and scene like to sound like a proper journal entry unless Cleo happens to be someone who likes to write down their experiences like an action novel.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hey, you. Yes, you, the person reading this. It seems that you’ve gotten ahold of my journal somehow. I’m not sure how, but you have. Feel free to invade my privacy by reading it. No, I really don’t care if you read it. Just return it to me, my address is... oh, never mind, it wouldn’t be a good idea to put that up. I don’t want creeps following me around. If you’re reading this, just keep the journal, destroy it, whatever, I can always make a new one. Anyways, I guess, enjoy!
"Angel-1, Call 173, unknown emergency." The robotic female voice came through my radio.
"Dispatch, this is Angel-1, show me responding code 3," I replied through the radio, "ETA 5 minutes."
"Alright, just be careful, the caller said something about a gun," The dispatcher replied.
"I'm always careful!" I laughed into the radio, but secretly I was starting to get nervous. Something didn't feel right. as I pulled up to the property, I saw a locked gate. I would need to walk the rest of the way. As I exited my car I heard a leaf crunch off to my left.
"Must be an animal," I told myself. Suddenly, a loud BANG sounded from where I had heard the crunch. I could feel the heat of the bullet as it grazed my ear. That asshole actually shot me! Quickly, I drew my gun, but before I could shoot, another BANG sounded. This time it hit my chest, and I felt it go right through my vest. Immediately I opened fire, hitting the guy a few times. BANG BANG BANG! I took 3 more shots to the chest before the guy finally fell.
"Shots fired, there was an ambush," I said into my radio, my voice shaky, "The suspect is down, I'm hit."
"Alright, I'm on my way," A voice came through my radio, "I'll be there shortly."
"Ok," I replied. I sat against my truck and felt a burning pain in my wing. Extending it, I saw that the first bullet had ripped through my left wing. I forced myself to look away from my wound and saw that my backup had arrived. "Watch out," I called to the approaching officers, "I lost sight of him!"
Everything was fading, the burning in my chest and wing eased, and everything went black. Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital.
Hey CCarson,
I'm here to leave you a review on your work.
Fist impression: This is just suspense and fasinating mushed together with a lot of awesome sauce. Congratulations, you've already got yourself a reader for when the next part is coming out.
About your story in total:
I like the build up of your story very much. I love the prologue also, it's so not basic. I mean, you don't go all: "Don't read..." or "My journal today I've experienced something horrible only you will understand." or "Beware of thee curse you have on you when you start reading my journal, it's only a warning for thee." Nope, it's totally your thing. I like that.
What's also unique is how you actually wrote down the thoughts also, like what actual people think too sometime. Such as the part where you've written: " Just return it to me, my address is... oh, never mind, it wouldn’t be a good idea to put that up. I don’t want creeps following me around. " You really had me in stitches here. Bro, that was funny.
First I thought the "I" person, the speaker, was working for the CIA or something, because of the whole calling and suspect stuff and it was a regular police officer.
This is just great:
""I'm always careful!" I laughed into the radio, but secretly I was starting to get nervous. "
The fact that you actually write what the speaker is feeling is good, because that way readers can create a more vivid image for themself in their head while reading it and not to forget they can totally relate to your character which is great. That way readers will understand your speaker better. Good job over there!
This part is also typical suspense movie:
"As I exited my car I heard a leaf crunch off to my left."
The crunching leaves or eeky squeeky doors are signiture marks of horror/ suspense/ mystery. Nice, nice. I was already bracing myself for what was coming next.
The part that came next should have been totally unexpected, but because I've seen a lot of movies with eeky squeekyness I could predict it. Except for that your build up of suspense was a-w-e-s-o-m-e.
Suggestion: It could use more description though, but it was doable.
Right here I realised it's not a human we're talking about. No, we are talking about a freakin' angel! That's way cooler than average humans.
""Ok," I replied. I sat against my truck and felt a burning pain in my wing. Extending it, I saw that the first bullet had ripped through my left wing. I forced myself to look away from my wound and saw that my backup had arrived. "Watch out," I called to the approaching officers, "I lost sight of him!""
I love your ending also, cliffhanger: the shooter has escaped!
Overall:
I really loved this story, it's very nice and interesting. I really hope you continue it, I want to read more. It's very cool that you write about an angel officer, it's really something different to everything I've read before and I am really excited to read on. Your writing style is also very nice.
Keep up the amazing work! Have a angelic day/night further!
Magically yours,
Rinisha
Hi there, I'm going to write you a short review
This story is very interesting. I thought it was fascinating in my opinion. The plot was clear and I could understand what was happening. Every time I read I wanted to read more. I kinda wish there was some background though but of course, that's the writer's choice.
Anyways that's all, I really liked reading this and I really hope to see more!
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