Published July 8, 2011
When I let my mind wander
It visits the land of my funny bone
Where every word rings
with an air of joy and hilarity
and with every word, every note
You can start to believe that life's a joke
And if any sadness creeps in
it is transformed into sarcasm
When I let my mind wander
It travels to the forest of my heart
It observes the ravages of wild fires
ashes leaving only twisted plants
with tiny flowers of compassion
guarded by many thorns of mistrust
yet my mind spots new growth
of plants that are of yet unknown
When I let my mind wander
it ventures to the river of my soul
looking through the river to the bed below
contemplating how the river flows
thinking about the complexities of life
with the calmness of the gentle current
wondering about the vastness of the universe
with only this river as an information source
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Hi!
Looks like you're talented. Keep up the good work.
I'd like to say..awesome!
Let me first say that this is a beautiful poem. And I think your point here was to creative something whimsical, which you very much succeeded in doing. However, I think the last line should be omitted and replaced with something that sort of brings the idea of your poem back to your imagination, to your wandering mind. Also just a mild stylistic thing but i think that there should be a space between each "When I let my mind wander" because those feel like stanzas.
I'm wondering too if "forests of my heart" and "rivers of my soul" are too similar.
Another small note: you have land, forest, river. Forest and river are specific but "land" is not. You might want to change it to plane, meadow or desert.
These are just mild suggestions to help tighten an already-great piece of poetry.
The best of luck to you and keep writing,
First of all, let me say welcome to YWS! You're going to love it here and just by reading this poem I can tell that you're going to be a great writing! The poem hits a chord in the hearts of all writers, I think. Our writing is born when we let our minds wander and be free and when we're not afraid of what we might find. The language is purely beautiful and it flows nicely like the river you wrote about. Bravo and welcome again!
Veritas