Published April 8, 2006
I can't do this any longer,
Can't be this any longer,
Can't see you any longer.
You just sit there looking at me
So pretty and so happy,
What do you want me to be?
I can't ride this any longer,
I just sit there looking longing
At you just because i want you.
You do not seem interested in me
And seem confident and happy,
Is that what you want me to be?
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You still say "looking", "'cause", and "I", so that makes no sense. Learn decent English.
To be honest with you, i did have, but at the time when i was writing, i was in a sleeping bag in the middle of the night camping in the rain, and i couldn't write it down, and i was really annoyed with myself because i didn't, but i am working on it. Do you have any ideas?
(i had a tune from that) i liked that alot have you got any guitar tunes or bass lines for that just for a matter of intrest
Then at least put: 'cause
i have written music to go with it, so i have to use slang so it goes with the music
I just sit there lokking longing
At you just cos i want you.
looking
because
I
no using slang or shortening words. It's lazy.
I didn't get this.
The repitition wasn't the best in this poem, and I got confused.
I'm sure you can do better than this
---Elizabeth