Published July 18, 2018
Will I be a bully?
Chapter 1: Victim
I can’t go to school today
I won’t go to school today
She’s always there
Waiting for me
I am like her prey
She is a predator
With her pack waiting to feast ……
Upon my flesh
Why does she do this?
Am I really that tasty?
Is she really that hungry?
Why me?
Why me?
Why me?
Chapter 2: Bully
I am a bully I know this
I hate myself for this
Everyone hates me for it
But why do I do it if I hate it so much?
Because it makes me feel good
The anger that I have about life and my insecurities come out
In every push or snide comment
I feel a little better
I am not alone
My victim is my partner in the world of pain
For most this is uncharted territory
But I know it all too well
Why me?
Why me?
Why me?
Chapter 3: Will I be a bully?
Maybe if I tear at a helpless animal
The way this
All mighty lioness tore at me
I won’t feel so alone
I won’t have anything to fear
I can be free from this pain she has caused me
My wounds will be healed
I will be saved
But do I really want to become the exact thing I’m afraid of?
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
I don't wanna come off as rude or anything, but it sounds as if these words were your own thoughts. As if you write (or type) in a flash of emotions. The lines are short and sweet. They're not choppy, because it is as if you're writing what is on your mind whilst emotions take over. I don't know if you're writing from experience or fun, but one quote came to mind upon reading. "Bullying...it doesn't get better, you do." Thomas Ridgewell. In all honesty, I'm typing this at three in the morning for a sense of adventure. (Do keep in mind that I'm a shut in). This poem is really relatable, and I think that is why I'm typing today. At one point we're all just kids thrown into this world and our prerequisite to living are moments of pain. You're able to capture that raw emotion. Overall, I give it a solid 8/10 or 7/10. I'm more lenient on 8/10 though.
Thank you so much for the honest critique! You're not coming off rude don't worry. Oddly I am also writing this at 3 am for a sense of adventure. I not going to sit here and tell you why you are wrong because I do agree with most aspects of your feedback, however, I would like to give you an explanation for some of it. I do see how the poem could come off as my own thoughts because that was sort of the idea: This poem was actually a school assignment. The assignment was to write a poem about something you experienced in school. I have had many encounters with bullies like most people. I don't know if every mom tells their kids this but, I know that whenever I came home from school crying because some girl called me ugly my mom would always say:"Don't get worked up about it Carly they just said that they feel bad about themselves and the probably get bullied." This advice really helped me to not get so down about these rude comments. So, in a way, the idea of was to give the reader the same advice my mother gave me and to help them understand the reasons behind the bully's actions. I don't know if that came through or not but, that is why it seems like the words of the poem are my thoughts. Continue giving people amazing feedback. Bye!
-Carly Casper (13)
Hey there, caspercarly !!
Here is Eros with a review for this wonderful piece of poetry !!
I really appreciate the way you have written this. The idea is so easy. But the way and the style on which you have expressed it was amazing. The theme was not unique. But the way you have written it was so unique. This is what is the most loved characteristics of a work.
I loved the style of writing the things out and the easy language you have used here. It makes the idea reach upto the poem very easily. I loved this piece a lot for this.
The choice of set of the words was also very beautiful.
The title you have given to this poetry is superb. It is catchy, attractive, apt and appropriate. The poem also has a good flow and the ideas are linked to each other very smoothly.
Though one suggestion, breaking the poem in stanzas would make it feel more like a poem.
Overall, a great work!!
Loved it !!
Awesome and superb !
Keep writing such beautiful, amazing, awesome, wonderful poetries and stuff and we would love to keep reading them and reviewing them!
Have a great day / night !
~Eros.
Hi caspercarly!Welcome to YWS and thanks for sharing your poem! Please feel free to disregard any suggestions or comments I have during my review, should you find them unhelpful. Onto the review....
My Overall Opinion and Interpretation
I really enjoyed how you separated this poem into three separate "chapters"/ stanzas that tell three different sides of someone's circumstances. The first chapter/stanza is about the narrator being a victim of bullying. The narrator is afraid to go to school for fear of a female who is apparently bullying him/her. Said bully also seems to have a group of students who join in; "With her pack waiting to feast".
The second "chapter"/stanza is taking the narrator's circumstances and switching it to being the bully as opposed to the victim. In this stanza we learn that the narrator feels alone and by inflicting the bullying on their victim, they don't feel so alone. They seem to note that their reason has to do with their "life and insecurities" but chooses to remain a bully, as it makes them feel better about said life and insecurities.
The third and final "chapter"/stanza takes the narrator's persepective as somewhere in between bully and bully's victim. They are contemplating becoming a bully in response to their situation.
My Suggestions/Comments
The only thing that really took me off guard was in the third stanza, where you wrote:
The metaphor of tearing at a helpless animal took me a few reads to understand that it was meaning victims such as the narrator themself. My first few impressions made me assume that this was an allusion to animal cruelty. While that was my mistake as the reader, I felt like it might help to know that at least one person did not fully understand this at first glance.
My last suggestions/comment is on the narrator's thoughts of how becoming like the "lioness" (aka, becoming a bully as well) will make him/her no longer have anything to fear, free them of the pain caused by the bully, and "My wounds will be healed | I will be saved"
I feel like this is a very dangerous thought... and if this is at all a reflection of the writer's thought process in this circumstance, I would encourage them to realize that becoming a bully in response to being bullied is only going to make them feel worse . I know, from personal experience, how traumatizing and devastating bullying is to the victim. But responding to hate with love is the best thing you can do in the face of negativity.
Annnnd if this was not, I can still completely understand why the narrator would feel this way. Becoming a "lioness" as well would make them feel safer and more protected from the pain of being the victim instead...
Final Thoughts!
I really enjoyed your free verse poem about bulling and I especially liked the separation of the victim, the bully, and the victim contemplating whether or not they should also become a bully to feel safer from similar circumstances. I like that your poem gives us the POV to put us in all three situation's shoes and really get to understand what the victim and bully are feeling, yet you maintain a short and to the point poem that still expresses this very well.
I look forward to reading more of your work soon!
Keep Writing,
-Katja