Okay, uh, I didn't really know what I was expecting, reading this poem, but let me just say that I really liked it as a whole.
THINGS I ENJOYED:
- Your use of simile here --> ("just as the earth, my emotions rotate on a scheduled orbit.")
I think it gives the reader insight into your emotional function, if that makes any sense. Usually, people describe their emotions as a jumble, or a mess, but I think this is an interesting way of portraying them.
- I especially was interested in the sense of panic you conveyed through short, simple lines, specifically these ones:
"yet when the sun sets, i’m left scared.
of what could be.
what should be.
what will be."
It seems as if you are coming to terms with your panic, as well as thinking about the different ways the world around you could turn on you. (Perhaps this is too much of a melodramatic analysis, so forgive me if I'm not right on the money, or something.) Anyways, I think it's a short, and powerful stanza, that really sets up the rest of the poem.
"i guess this is what i was made for.
no, not to overcome the endless loop of pain.
that’s far too optimistic.
i suppose my true purpose is to be scared."
I don't really have a critique/analysis for this stanza, I just thought it was a beautiful conclusion to a really great poem. I'm glad I took the time to read it.
I hope you feel better soon, if this piece is actually about you. I wasn't too sure to begin with.
Keep writing!
-snapcracklepop
Points: 86
Reviews: 3
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