From Stars to the Fireplace

First of all, I'm no poet, and most of the time, I don't understand the structure of a poem, or why it works the way it does. I do, however, know the basic principle of Haiku, so I can confidently commend your poems here for their mesmeric rhythm and beautiful form. The last one, in particular, sounded like old Chinese nature poems from centuries ago, whose English translations I have read and adored.

In all of these poems, you have a great ability to sketch an intriguing scene completely, with so few syllables. I particularly liked the first, second, and fifth for this reason: the first conjures mental images of the Titanic and scenes from James Cameron's famous movie; in the second, I identified with the bear and I imagined waking up one afternoon in a cabin at camp on the Oregon Coast, during an afternoon rain drizzle (cozy ); in the fifth, I thought of a 19th century intellectual man spending a pensive afternoon in his leather-upholstered arm chair, with his old written correspondence and his sour memories of the recipient, the blossoms newly growing beyond the glass-paned window.

The fourth poem was cute, and a bit odd. I'm not sure of the meaning of the metaphor of the nostrils of a dinosaur? Does the subject of the poem believe himself to have the characteristics of a dinosaur (old, obsolete)? The third poem I found a bit confusing: the way I read it, there was an argument occurring in another room, but the subject was a third person in a bedroom, waking up because of the noise. Is this correct? The poem is ambiguous, and it seems that it could be interpreted that the subject is having the argument with his ex, and there are only two people (not three) in the poem. Is "waking up" more metaphorical than literal? That is, is the subject waking up from whatever delusion held him captive while he lived his dysfunctional relationship with his ex?

I thought the symbolism in the last poem was particularly brilliant and well-crafted. I interpret the blossoms not just as a pretty image, but as a symbol of new life and growth after the destruction of the old (the old letters). The subject is closing a perhaps traumatic or otherwise problematic chapter of his history by burning the letters, in order to move on with his life. The blossoms foreshadow his coming personal growth.

Hi, I'm here to review your poem. First of all, I would like to say that this is beautiful! The rhythm is just about perfect, the word choice is wonderful, and I can see simply in this poem that you have real talent!

There is one nitpick I would like to mull over with you, but it's simply my opinion, so don't take anything to heart please.


"Breathe in, then exhale,
feel the air in the nostrils
of a dinosaur."

The part about the dinosaur is interesting. I like it, but I feel like it needs to be worded differently. Perhaps:

"Breathe in, then exhale,
feel air inside the nostrils
of a dinosaur."

I know I didn't change much here, but when I came across the line with dinosaur, the middle (7 syllable) line to be more specific in the stanza, I kind of paused. It just didn't seem to fit quite right. I mean, maybe it's just me and no one else really feels this way... I think it would be fine if you left it that way, but I just thought I would let you know what I was thinking.

Ignoring the comment above, I thought this poem was basically flawless. Such control and a natural poetic touch you have!! Amazing!!

I hope to read more of your haikus in the future.

Happy writing,

Kali Lennon

P.S. "A fight with an ex,
words hurled like rocks... I wake up!
Outside, a dog barks."

^This is my favorite stanza!