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The endless sky of darkness

by captainearth38


The endless sky of darkness

Many years have past and where still in the endless sky in dark i've almost lost track of time only four people left, not sure how much time till where next to fall in to the endless darkness.

Act one/Scene one

Person one: “Alarm clock going off” I overslept again, like it matters that much anyways. (The man turns over to turn off the alarm.)

Person two: “Knocks on door repeatedly” Monrow get up already we need you to come look at something quick!

Monrow: Coming as quick as I can Asuna. (He gets up and rushes to get out the door)

Person three: Our system is picking up a signal from somewhere out there, but we can't make it out Monrow.

Monrow: Lets get as close as we can Issaic we dont know whats out there in darkness. (As I took a seat in the chair in middle of the room)

Issaic: I captain, closing in on target area (As he types away on a control board)

“A loud sounds makes the crew fell to the ground clenching their ears”

Person four: What's going on in here captain, and what's that sound! (As the woman is trying to keep standing up with the ship shaking about and the horrible noise echoing)

Monrow: We don’t know what it is Nora. (As he rowse from the floor)

Nora: I think the sound is dying down, Is everyone okay?

All reply: were okay (As all of them got up from the floor)

Monrow: (looks up at the window from the floor) what was that and how did it affect the controls in the ship.

Asuna: “sparks fly from burnt control board” What are we going to do now the curcitrs our fried. (she tries to stop the sparks)

Issaic: (sit down on the steps in the room) It may take weeks but I can fix the control board, but it won't be a walk in the park to do it.

Nora: how far are we from home now? (She looks out the window)

Monrow: (opens a book on a another control board) I would say about 200,000 clicks from here, maybe even more.

Nora: (her head drops and takes a seat) Where never going to get back at this rate.

Asuna: (She stands up from the floor optimistically) We must have faith that we will make it back, if we give up now without trying is foolish what if there our other ships out their looking for us. The federation of remnants won't give up a search on us.

Issaic: Yes but it was Federation that sent us out here and we got stranded after the system malfunction and no way to send a distress signal, so i think we're on our own out here.

Nora: That comforting (turns to Monrow) So what the plan captain?

Monrow: fix the ship and get home it sounds cut and dry but really don't have a choice where only four left out of 150 crew that was on board, and we still manage a whole ship so we won't give up yet.

Asuna: (Her face became filled with sadness from remembering the event) I still can't believe how fast the sickness took everyone, and we still don't even go into half of the ship because of it, still wonder how we were immune to the sickness.

Issaic: (he gave Asuna a hug) consider yourself lucky but not lucky.

Monrow: come on we can't stay stuck on the past we need to get the power back on.

Issaic: I captain (As he went under the control board to see what was wrong

(sparks fly from under the control board and power is regained)

Monrow: good job Issaic, but I thought you said it would take weeks (he says with a smirk on his face)

Issaic: Turns out it wasn't that bad, also I got Cortana back online turns out she was in lock out mode this whole time.

Nora: it's about time we got back our navigation system

Cortana: Hello first mate Monrow, Your coordinates our unknow you our far beyond federation territory and mapping the area will be hard give me time to calculate your position.

Monrow: thank you Cortana… but its captain now, Captain Krag is dead and i've taken command of U.S.S Grimlock. (He says leaving the room with a saddened face)

Asuna: (starts to walk out of the room) I think we need to go eat this was far to stressful of a morning, even if we can't tell that it's morning or night out.

Issaic: (following behind Asuna) Tell me Asuna how do you stay so optimistic even in worst positions a person can face?

Asuna: (she turns to Issaic) I guess I just don't want to feel helpless.

( the lunch hall door opens they walkin)

Nora: (she goes into the kcitine of the ship all they have our cabinets of dyrd food and cans goods. And goes to grab some cans) Okay guys listen up! on today's menu we have vegetable substitute and basically food substitute take your pick it all taste the same anyways.

(they all laugh for a bit)

Monrow: (he enters the room) I've decided to find a way to get to lower quarters of the ship to search for supplies (he sits down at the old table with a overly serious face) we need get past what happened and find new ways to survive it may take months or years before help comes.

Nora: (she stands up from the table) I agree we need to get to the rest of the ship the doctor bay is down their and what if we don't have what we need up here we could die, we only have each other and we can't lose that it what makes us human.

Issaic: Me and Asuna agree it’s what best for the crew.

Monrow: Than it is settled i'll make preparations to go down not sure how safe it is down their will need our suits and the other equipment to bring it back up.

“Monrow and the others leave the lunch hall and make their way to their room to get ready for the coming day to go down to the lower level of the ship” End of scene one/act one 


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Points: 125
Reviews: 1

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Thu Nov 08, 2018 5:37 am
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DauntlessDagger wrote a review...



Oh wow, this was good! But first, the bad…..

Bad cop:
- You should probably explain where and when the first scene is
- Maybe say the names right away instead of ‘person one’, etc.
- (As he rowse from the floor) Slight spelling mistake here :)
- Monrow: fix the ship and get home it sounds cut and dry but really don't have a choice where only four left out of 150 crew that was on board, and we still manage a whole ship so we won't give up yet. (This is a run on sentence)
- (she goes into the kcitine of the ship all they have our cabinets of dyrd food and cans goods. And goes to grab some cans) Kitchen and dry are spelled wrong
- The writing is a little choppy and awkward
- Maybe skip the alarm opening? It’s a bit of a cliche, and doesn’t really add anything to the story. Although I did like the fact that there are alarm clocks in the future

Good cop:
- I like the idea of the story (stuck on a space ship, the last of the crew), and I love space ship stories :)
- I like all the characters, especially Asuna and Cortana (Yay! robot!)
- It’s nice to see people doing normal things on the space ship, like sleepy in late and eating lunch
- I love the team. I know I all ready said I love the characters, but I love them as a group, working together. I really hope you develop more into their relationships
- Good title, very haunting and epic
- Good set up and suspense!

Questions: (you don’t have to answer these in the story, I’m just curious and want to hear from you)
- What do the characters look like?
- How old are they?
- What are all they’re jobs? Issaic is the mechanic and Monrow is the captain, but is the the roles of the rest of the crew?
- Why does Issaic keep on saying ‘I captain’?
- What was the sickness that wiped the rest of the crew out?
- Are they all humans from earth?
- Do they know of aliens on other planets?

I think this was a great story, and can’t wait to read and review more!






i'll work on my spelling mistakes i didnt even notice some of those, to answer your questions they are all humans for what they look like i'm going to add itin at the beginning somewhere to help people visuli the crew monroe is a dark haired slender man about 6 foot tall and in his 20s, Issaic has brown haired and is about 6 foot tall and is like the computer guy on the ship he like scotty from star trek he about 19, Asuna blond hair about 5.6 foot tall and is kind of a medic for the crew she about 25 years old, Nora is a redhead and basically is a jokester and is tuff one of the team and is their "chef" for the crew and is like security stuff and his about 22. reason why issaic say I captain a lot is because is kind of a smart a** remark to Monrow. the sickness was like a yellow fever type thing that spread fast. they are from earth. Aliens will be later on. it will be like "Lost in Space" with like TV show "Lost" but less confusing next for your review



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Thu Nov 08, 2018 12:17 am
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RowenaLynn wrote a review...



Hey! This is a cool beginning of a story!
1 thing that cold be edited is some of the grammar... not that I'm the greatest at that, but there are a few places were there cold be some fixes... There are also some spelling things but typing is hard. (Self Disclosure- I misspelled SHOVEL in a school spelling bee once).
I was also confused by some of the lines... "Issaic: (he gave Asuna a hug) consider yourself lucky but not lucky." I understand that they lost some people that were close to them, but maybe consider another word besides "luck" for one of the "lucky"s because otherwise it seems somewhat repetitive. I love the names... Especially Cortana and Monrow. It gets boring reading names tat are all so similar.
I think you could also amp up some of the descriptions... It's a cool idea. Thank you for writing! Keep at it!




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24 Reviews


Points: 2047
Reviews: 24

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Thu Nov 08, 2018 12:16 am
RowenaLynn says...



Hey! This is a cool beginning of a story!
1 thing that cold be edited is some of the grammar... not that I'm the greatest at that, but there are a few places were there cold be some fixes... There are also some spelling things but typing is hard. (Self Disclosure- I misspelled SHOVEL in a school spelling bee once).
I was also confused by some of the lines... "Issaic: (he gave Asuna a hug) consider yourself lucky but not lucky." I understand that they lost some people that were close to them, but maybe consider another word besides "luck" for one of the "lucky"s because otherwise it seems somewhat repetitive. I love the names... Especially Cortana and Monrow. It gets boring reading names tat are all so similar.
I think you could also amp up some of the descriptions... It's a cool idea. Thank you for writing! Keep at it!





I *do* like flipping tables.
— Faye Whitaker, Questionable Content