On October 26, 2032, I was abducted by aliens.
Why? Well, they thought I was my neighbour.
Why are they interested in my neighbour? Turns out she happens to be an alien spy working for a secret intergalactic resistance movement.
Confused?
Yeah I am too.
I remember going to bed that normal night after a normal day, which was part of a normal week, which belonged to a normal month in my normal life, the way I always do. I just woke up in a place that wasn’t my house.
I woke up in a clinical, modular, outrageously white room that looked like it belonged in a toothpaste ad, an old lady was sitting by the entrance, watching me, waiting patiently.
So there my sleep paralysed muddled self sat, with morning breath, a bed head and ratty pyjamas, staring at the lady and my surroundings in utter confusion.
The lady beamed at me, “Welcome Ms Douglas, we are delighted to finally have you here! We’ve been waiting for insider intel since forever. It’s simply been far too long since we got a field report. I have a team all ready, prepped and prepared, just direct us to –“
“I’m sorry, who are you? Where am I? What's going on?” I was getting more bewildered by the second, as reality was setting in, I tried to move, climb out of bed, but my limbs were sluggish and I swayed unsteadily.
The lady stared at me in alarm “Ms Douglas please –“
“Who are you calling Douglas? I'm Cye, Cye Carris, what’s going on!? Where am I!? what have you done to me?!” I was panicking, flailing like a headless chicken, getting tangled in my sheets. “Get me out of this!” I must have accidentally pressed some button in my escape attempt because the wall to my left started to part like blinds to reveal hundreds of coloured marble-like balls rotating and revolving around in a pitch-black backdrop.
“Ms please calm down! This is really not the way! What do you mean you’re not Douglas – “
“Why can I see the sun?” my voice trembled, laced with confusion and fear, I turned towards the old lady, who now looked perplexed and a little angry, “Why can I see the sun!?”
The old lady’s eyes had widened in horror, I was breathing hard, my confusion quickly changed to panic and I started to franticly – and ineffectively – yank at the abnormally white sheets trying to escape, tripping and falling looking at the window in terror, where I could see the sun. I was in a panic, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t stop thrashing.
I didn’t notice the angry voices shouting in the background till I felt several arms grabbing me, making me shriek loudly, the old lady must have called the guards or something because the next thing I remember is somebody sticking a syringe in my bottom.
Yeah, that actually happens.
Turns out Hansel and Gretel were right, sweet old ladies are evil.
The last thing I saw was the sun, surrounded by several multi-coloured balls.
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Canary word: Present
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139,205 Literary Works • 672,505 Reviews
Alright, yet another review with an short reading time. And look at the time! I should be in bed! So, I don't have much to say because of how short this work is and it being an prologue. I just don't want to be too biased. Anyways, here are my positive thoughts.
I honestly think the fact that you could start an prologue with such an common plot point of being abducted by aliens with it sounding more like an weird mental hospital setting is quite the strong hook for an story. I really like how you decided to go that route. And I also like the descriptions, as well.
I am sorry if I couldn't say much. I hope you have an great rest of your day/night. And while you are at it, I am open to you to read my two short stories The Ocean That Crackled Red and its sequel as an sort of review swap. If you can, of course. Overall, very very very strong piece and I hope you can succeed in your goals! Thank you!
- Purple67
Thanks for the review.
You are so welcome!
Hello Hello, I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review. It has been a while since I've written one of these I hope you don't mind me being a tad rusty. This might also be a short one but I will try my best to give you some good feedback. Let's get into it, shall we?
Overall I found this a fun read I didn't know what to expect when I clicked on this. We get a little taste of the bigger world and I wonder what kind of sci-fi plot will happen. Since there's a resistance movement going on it poses a lot of good questions off the bat. Things like what are they fighting against? Why is Earth involved? You have enough hooks to keep the reader interested with the little you give them.
With that being said there is some feedback I want to bring up. Of course, just any form of feedback you don't have to take anything you don't want to. It's your novel after all.
I'm going to start small with a few typos that found before I get into some of the other stuff.
I think you mean to say something like this.
Now moving on to the next one.
This is a very small one but I think you're missing a word before escape.
I also want to point out that some lines feel a little long. Of course, that's fine but I would break some of them up. I will give an example here of what I mean, However, there's no pressure to use it.
This feels like a run-on sentence to me, I feel this could be broken into two or three sentences.
The tense might be off and it is a bit rough but I hope it gets the point across. Flow and sentence length are tricky so don't sweat it you're doing great.
Before I share my favourite line there's one point I would like to bring up.
I do enjoy this prologue but I feel a few plot beats were skipped or will be tricky to hit later. While the hooks are great showing the MCS's normal life and their struggles is important. It helps show what the character arc will be along with setting up relationships and basic personality traits.
I am worried that by jumping straight into the abduction will make it hard to set up that normality. However, I won't push this point too much as it is a prologue and plot structure can be different for every novel.
If you do want to look into plot beats further I would recommend Save The Cat: Writes A Novel.
Now to end this on a lighter note I will give you a line that stuck out and my closing thoughts.
I liked this line it's a good bit of humour in a weird moment of the MC. On top of this, it does pose the question of whether the lady is truly evil.
Good luck with the next part and I'm curious to see where this goes. It seems like a fun Sci-Fi romp with more plot building in the background.
As always have a great day, stay creative and remember to drink water!
Thank you so much for the review! It's really helpful!