It all started
With you appearing out of nowhere
When I needed someone the most
It was more than enough
And just like that
You became this person
This amazing, caring person
I couldn’t imagine my life without
We stayed up late, just talking
Until one of us fell asleep
It was usually me, and you’d tell me good night
And I’d see it in the morning and smile
It became a routine
But the good kind of routine
The kind you don’t get bored of
Or at least that’s what I thought back then
I was so happy
And whenever I wasn’t
You were there for me
And you made it better
I thought we were forever
I though what we had couldn’t be broken
But life has this merciless way
Of making sure that things as good as that never last
And it was our fault, I guess
We cared so much about each other we felt the need to express it
And we did it the wrong way
We messed it all up
We got our feelings confused
And although it seemed good at first
One of us had to realise it wasn’t
Life decided that person was going to be me
And thus I became the bad guy
Because I started seeing things as they were
And I told you
But you wouldn’t listen
If only you had understood what I was trying to tell you
Maybe we wouldn’t be in this mess right now
Maybe we would have figured it out together
The way we always did
But you have this really bad way of dealing with your problems
A way that, by then, I knew all too well
And I won’t say I’m much better
I know I’m not
I will say this, though
I would have never done to you what you did to me
I told you ignoring me would kill me
But you did it anyway
You still do it
Every single day you act as if I didn’t exist
As if I was nothing to you
And maybe that’s what I’ve become: Nothing
I won’t say I’m okay with it
Because I’m not
I’m just trying to live with it
And I hope that will be enough
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,831 Reviews
Hello there, newbie.
Welcome to YWS. It's great that you already got a number of review and comments on your work. Well, you made sure you attract a lot of people towards your poem (in a good way, of course).
Well, congrats on attracting me here too. Let's start!
The prime issue with title is that it is not capitalized. Oh, that really hurts! You see? You don't have to capitalize anything at all when writing a poem BUT please capitalize the title. The title itself is amazing though. That's one main reason why I opened this poem.
Talking about the structure. Well, from the very first look, it seems to me like a epic poem. I have always thought about writing epic poems but I never did. It feels good to read something like this.
Don't you guys do that every night? Fall asleep seems like a better word than 'fell'.
I can't write this again for you but this one sentence confused me so bad. It would be really nice if you could change it (for better?).
One word for this. Fantastic!
This is your first poem here and I am so badly in love. Please write more. One thing I like (and hate) about this poem is that I can relate, from beginning until the end. It's something I can write myself and it's so cool the way you wrote it.
Keep writing. Well done and I hope to read more of your stuff very soon. If you need anything, just let me know.
Wow. So much was said in this short-ish poem. It progresses BEAUTIFULLY and you can see how upset this person is, yet they are kind of at peace with it all now. I think that this poem is really great the way it doesn't rhyme. I usually wouldn't say that, but I really do mean it. I love the part:
I was so happy
and whenever I wasn't
you were there for me
and you made it better
Wonderful job, Camiop!
-ChloeJoelle
I had a friend that it ended like this almost exactly. I'm guessing you've experienced it yourself to write about it so clearly and precisely. Like @ChocolateCello said you didn't just say it was the friends fault you said it was your fault to, that I think is important to the story, I like how you mentioned how you tried to bring light to what was happening to your friendship but they just turned away. I think this poem really shows how friendship can waste away if not maintained.
Hey! ChocolateCello here!
Okay, so i've read a lot of 'ended friendship' poems/stories (I relate well, I've been through this same thing) But this by far is my favorite. You gave just the right amount of information, not being 'overly personal' but still giving the reader enough information that they could follow the poem without being annoyed. Additionally, everything progressed at a smooth rate. A lot of poems like this are happy one line and 'the world is ending' the next. You had everything well balanced and tied together well. You avoided repetition and moved everything along at a good pace. Additionally, you took equal blame. A lot of writers get carried away in being mad and the 'speaker' starts to sound arrogant and snooty, as if they were perfect and the friend was the horrible villain, but you mentioned quite a few times that it wasn't strictly the friends fault and I commend you for that. Over all, this poem was well written and had amazing content.
One thing though...
'Didn't' should be 'don't'. Keep an eye on the tense.
Other than that, this was great.
Keep writing!
-ChocolateCello
I can definitely relate. Almost every word means something to me.