The ghost town
I live near
a ghost town.
It's not called that
for any reason you’d expect.
But rather because—
for exactly one minute every night—
it disappears
into
the
shadows
of the world around.
It is of course
a beautiful town,
but I hat
how I have to run
home
when the clocktower
sounds the gong that means
it's twelve—
that I have to leave my friend
behind,
behind
for
who knows what reason.
Her name
is Delilah
and I love her so much,
so much that I
almost
just almost
want to join her
when
she’s
gone.
Beginning a story
Almost is only almost,
I tell myself
as I hide in Delilah’s house
wondering
why
I let myself do this.
I don’t know
what will happen—
I simply wait and stare
into
the
shadows
of her room.
I have
a family
that loves me,
very much,
but Delilah
is
my only
friend,
and
maybe
just maybe
I love her more.
I don’t want to die,
but
I kind of
have a feeling
that
I
just
won't.
That maybe
I’ll enter a new world,
that maybe
I’ll go back in time
that maybe
it’ll be
alright
and I can tell everyone,
Hey
it’s safe
you don’t have to worry,
I stayed too long
by accident
and then
I went.
I’m not quite sure where, but—
it’s better than our home.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,068 Literary Works • 672,978 Reviews
Hop here with a review! I do suck at writing these so please don't hold it against me if this is bad.
I don't even know how to begin. This is just so good I don't really know how to put it into words. It gives readers this very uncanny feeling. Like it feels like this town is almost disconnected and separate from the real world. That's at least what I got from it. It will keep me up at night wondering where the person went, how they got there, and if that place is even safe.
I honestly have nothing bad to say about this. Did see your little typo there but hey who doesn't make mistakes from time to time? This piece is so good. I love it so much. Please keep up the good work. Stay awesome.
Love, Hop
Hello, My Friend!
Pleasure to meet you! My name is Raven, and upon spotting this piece in the Green Room, I thought I'd leave a review. Hope you don't mind!
To start, I must say this is a great poem! Very eerie, a nice blend of both somber and horrific themes. The imagery was very cool, and the underlying story feels very eerie with the narrator, stuck in her ghost town, meeting her friend at night and slowly coming to realize that she would rather stay with Delilah than return home...But of course, that's just how I interpreted things!
As far as a technical review goes, I don't have much to recommend! The meter felt nice, I had fun following it. I also wanted to say that I appreciate you clarifying that the poem was inspired by an AI prompt. YWS takes that kind of stuff very seriously, so it's always better to be honest <3
But anyway, the only thing that stuck out to me was this:
Looks like a tiny typo, with a missing "e" in "hate." That's all!
Now, as for my personal favorite lines and sections—ooo, that's actually tricky...but I would start with:
I feel that this part really marked where the story took its eerie turn. We already know it's not called a "ghost town" because it's barren, so with the narrator—presumably a child, just to throw salt in the wound—declares she wants to join her friend...Ooo, not a good idea girl!!
Another part that had some particularly dark undertones—especially after literally saying "I don't want to die, but..." The narrator trying to justify joining "Delilah" just felt so dark, creepy, even sad in its own right...
Overall, that was a great poem and I really enjoyed that! Nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
Thanks for the review! I appreciate feedback.
Hello, calientexcoli! I like this story, with the premise of a young person (I assume) being trapped in the ghost town. My guess is that she becomes a ghost as well and Delilah is evil, but I could be wrong! I just want to read more! One piece of advice I could give is to not break up the lines so much. It works very well in the last few lines ("and then... it's better than our home"), but it makes the story seem slow and staggered, making it harder to get immersed. But maybe that's what you were going for, almost a surreal feel so the syntax mimics a ghost town? Either way, I love your writing here! Keep up the great work.
I was trying to have a sort of disconnected feel--if that makes sense?Thanks for the review! I appreciate your feedback.