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Hello, liked the word play, but the thing with the chorus makes me think that this is a song, though you can have a refrain in poetry, the opening line is great,
"quitted" should be "quit"
yes, I definitely think this is a song, and it will definetely work better as a song...
excellent, 3 out of 5 stars-probably make a wonderful, infectious song...
it is a sad poem as well as a good poem and it has a little bit awesome poem in there. I really like this and think that you should keep writing poems. Or is this your only one? Anyway, I love this poem and it sounds like it would be a good song. I like it. Smiles