Published June 6, 2010
Hi this the first song i've ever written...and i only wrote it today...just then.
it could go as a kinda poppy song or slow song---- Taylor swift style man!
Yea, you thought you could trick me,
And you thought I was stupid
You thought you could force me
To love
But it obviously didn’t work
And I know
You ain’t gunner stop trying
To get me on your team
And turn me against
But it’s not gunner work
Chorus
Over and Over and Over
Your gunner think you’ll never give up
But you will
‘cos you’ll come crashing down
By the hands of me
[b]oh
And your still trying now
Devising your plans
Confident, there going to work
And your going to win the game
But none of ‘em are gunner work
You think your closing in
You think I’m going to suffocate
With pressure
And give in
But I’m stronger than that
[b]Over and Over and Over
Your gunner think you’ll never give up
But you will
‘cos you’ll come crashing down
By the hands of me
Oh x 2
hope you like it
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The first thing I noticed was the lack of punctuation, and the formatting tags. Right after, I noticed that you had a lot of misspelled/misused words, especially you're/your and "gunner" instead of "gonna". The latter especially made me wonder if there was going to be some serious shooting involved in this somehow. In addition, some of your lines just don't make sense. For example, the line "And turn me against". Against what?
I think it might help if you wrote out everything you want to say in sentence form before organizing/rearranging them into lyrics. At the least, it will help make sure things make sense.
Well, I’m not great with lyrics…but I’ll do my best. Plus, I’ve run out of things to review. So I need to review something!
‘gunner’ isn’t what you’re looking for here. I think you mean ‘gonna.’ This actually pops up several times so be careful.
Right now, I think you might be trying to be like Taylor Swift. But Taylor Swift has slanty eyes so you can’t like her. Stop liking her!
Haha. I’m crazy.
But I think you just have to make sure that the lyrics fit into a rhythm. Rhythm is really important. It’s what makes people want to shake their booties to your song!
Good luck!
~lilymoore