(many thanks to Harpz for the use of her awesome title!)
inspiration marinates this land in a thin glaze of honey wine
and the nectar of old gods. across the fresh Aegean blue,
heroes from the distant past are calling,
thrumming in the blood and aching
in the ancient earth.
this is a land ripe for birth,
where the sun drips, breathless,
from the bulging hills
and the pomegranate trees hang
loose-limbed against the open sky.
here, the Muses comb long tresses
in clove-scented gardens,
and gods converse in whispers which
echo across the ages.
here, the world contracts:
under her bright skin unshackled minds
fight free from shadows, and like all good children
born to launch themselves from precipices,
they dare to touch the Absolute.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This is absolutely beautiful.
The Greek references take my breath away.
The descriptions allow me to visualize, rather than just read aimlessly.
It gets me to think.
It's all around gorgeous.
Thank you.
10/10
I really liked it. Very discriptive.
Thanks Imp! I only just read your crit **blushes** I was looking through some of my old work and decided to touch up a couple of the areas you mentioned; I'm going to leave "breathless" though - it brings a particular moment to mind and it just works for me LOL. Thanks again for the help though
Hello bubbles.
The poem is a place. But as good poetry, thoughtful, ought, it has layers - and the description of the land, allusive to myth and history, makes what might have been simple showing three-dimensional.
Though I like the stairway sliding down to shorter line-length, the transition between 'nectar of old gods' and 'across the fresh...' felt awkward. It may be the semi-colon, which connects them too closely; it may be the length of the line and disparate images. I'm afraid I can't pinpoint it.
This an example of my remark about the dimensions - it fits itself, so to speak. (...Pardon my tendency to critique like fiction what isn't !_!)
'Breathless' nettled me a bit - connected with 'drips' - dripping breathlessly?
Again, the pattern downward to the finish. I like the ending on the plane of ideas. The conjunction sticks, either too smooth or disagreeing with the preceding. Could it be 'who' rather than 'and'?
I loved the poem. In fact, it was a lovely meditation to take me out of the idiotic contemplation of dystopian anarchy and other such things that had no end... ^_^'' I can only reiterate what I said at the beginning. The easy touch of layers of time seemed on it, and gave a depth to the images that way.
IMP
Thanks guys, I appreciate the encouragement
i had to read it through a few ties because i'm really tired but that is such an amazing poem really beautiful.
the language is just stunning.
i love it.
Really fantastic--I love the greed references. You made the landscape and the imagery come alive for me; a really fantastic bit of poetry.
Thanks Harpz
Wow!
Beautiful.
I would have put a Capital "I" at the start of the verse - but its up to you and how you want the poem to be portrayed.
again a capital here.
I loved this, it was just full of life, meaning and imagery, all balanced into a publishable poem. I really enjoyed this and its one of my favourites on YWS. I love how you capitalised "Absoulte".
Nice work!
I guess that's encouraging, LOL. Will look forward to your crit, xanthan
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sorry if theyre reading this, but your peom is better that Harpz. Cute how you put the "the" in the title.
Just dropped in to say that I love all the Greek allusions, and I'll get back to this.