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Young Writers Society



Thought-Blossoms

by bubblewrapped


Again, I dont know where this came from. It started out as something completely different. :? And the commas are gone.

Thought-Blossoms

To say that I think too much
Would grossly understate
The nature of my problem-
Just as to say that a tree merely flowers
Would be to lessen the beauty
Of buds erupting from dead branches
Like Christ resurrected.
That is not to imply that my thoughts
Are beautiful; they seep under my skin
Like a suit of tar,
And while there may be glimpses
Of light amidst the glutinous liquid,
It is a reflection of beauty that dazzles the eye
Rather than a thing of beauty itself.
Instead I confess that my thoughts subsist
In as much profusion as those apple-blossoms
Frequenting an orchard in springtime;
But like the petals of a wilting flower,
They are gone
Before I have time to do more than
Mark the passing of their existence-
For my thoughts are no more tangible
Than the presence
Of a season.


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72 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 72

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Sat Dec 25, 2004 1:25 am
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A.O. Avalon wrote a review...



Mesh, You rock my world!! I feel the same way about grammar and poetry. I agree, dispense with the commas.

Would be to lessen the beauty
Of buds erupting from dead branches
Like Christ resurrected.


Gives new meaning to the words "eery beauty". I love it.




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488 Reviews


Points: 3941
Reviews: 488

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Fri Dec 24, 2004 11:48 pm
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Meshugenah wrote a review...



wow. made me think, and at the present moment, that's saying something. just a few things...

Instead, I confess that my thoughts subsist

i wouldn't have a comma after instead-it reads choppily i think; same where you have but a few lines down. this may be grammitacilly correct, but i don't like grammar in poems unless it interfers with the meaning of something. would that, in oyur opinion, change the meaning of anything? i read it a few different ways, and i don't think it did, but i'm not the author here, so this is just an opinion.

last lines-beautiful :thumb: ties everything together. good use of different examples to make a point.





As the notifications drift in I stop and wonder. Why do they take so long? Do they have adventures we don't know about? I bet they do. When they come I will ask myself. What amazing adventure has this straggling notification been on? How far did it travel, and why didn't it take me?
— TypoWithoutCoffee