Young Writers Society

This is a little corny,the theme is overused, and I absolutly love it. It's one of thoes "If I can't have you noone can." type things. The word corny is usually used as a negative conotation, but for me it just means that people love the idea enough to write enough to write it over and over and over again. I liked the bit about the semi-concious Frankenstien. it added a little humor to it.
Keep Writing.

it had a kind of simplicity that makes me smile. it kept my attention and i like the way you put things.

although, it seemed like you have no emotional attachment to this at all. it seemed like you were writing for the sake of writing.

Well, I was having trouble concentrating in the beginning. My attention wasn't really grasped until:
I don’t think so; you were dreaming

a parasitic twin or some kind of
semi-conscious Frankenstein, and
should be changed to:
a parasitic twin;
or some kind of semi-conscious Frankenstein, and
(just switched up the lines,lol)

leaving me
is not an option,
because my hands are in your heart
and my voice is in your head
and I would kill you
before I let you go.
Should be changed to:
leaving me,
is not an option,
because my hands are in your heart,
my voice is in your head,
I would kill you,
before I let you go.
But hey, this is just my opinion...

Erm...seems scary. Rather morbid, obsessive, somewhat like an ex of mine. Still, Misty's right...it seems empty. Like you want to feel these things, but you're just fooling yourself. Again, rather like an ex of mine...I should send this to him, heh.

yeah, uh....lemme think. I'm bad at critting poems!

But, the words that didn't flow (for me) were: Frankenstein, the part about him wrapping himself in cotton wool..and...

Well I guess I should think that it's very good. I mean, it IS good, but....it feels like it lacks emotion, you know? Like you just wrote it, and wrote it brilliantly of course, but I guess I just didn't feel this with you. Sorry if this actually DID mean a lot to you, and I'm being unconsiderate. But that's how it felt to me. Empty. Sorry...

I really like the last stanza and the second half of the first stanza. I don't know why but the first half of the first stanza from "personally, I know I've never seen " to "I don’t think so; you were dreaming" reads to prosaically for me and doesn't really flow well. Maybe you could cut out some of the excess words like "out" other than that I thought this was a brilliant piece Your use of langguage is wonderful.