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Possession

by bubblewrapped


Possession

personally, I know I've never seen
a bigger silence than the one that
stretches out between us (deeper
than a universe)– but
did you really think that
wrapping yourself in cotton-wool
could render you invisible and
cut out the drilling truth of my voice?
I don’t think so; you were dreaming
you were hoping I would let you slip away
and all you mean to me would
vanish into the atmosphere.
well you’re too late to escape because
I have locked you in my heart,
you are grafted to my soul like
a parasitic twin or some kind of
semi-conscious Frankenstein, and
where do you think
could be far enough to flee
from your own self?

leaving me
is not an option,
because my hands are in your heart
and my voice is in your head
and I would kill you
before I let you go.

-----

I think I've been watching too many thrillers...Its kind of crazy and kind of crappy, but for some reason I liked it, so if any of you see anything I should do to polish it up I'd appreciate it. Cheers!


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67 Reviews


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Fri Oct 22, 2010 11:25 am
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PandaRawr wrote a review...



This is a little corny,the theme is overused, and I absolutly love it. It's one of thoes "If I can't have you noone can." type things. The word corny is usually used as a negative conotation, but for me it just means that people love the idea enough to write enough to write it over and over and over again. I liked the bit about the semi-concious Frankenstien. it added a little humor to it.
Keep Writing.




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Wed Jan 26, 2005 9:03 pm
scissorquiz says...



it had a kind of simplicity that makes me smile. it kept my attention and i like the way you put things.

although, it seemed like you have no emotional attachment to this at all. it seemed like you were writing for the sake of writing.




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Wed Jan 26, 2005 6:33 am
Chevy wrote a review...



Well, I was having trouble concentrating in the beginning. My attention wasn't really grasped until:
I don’t think so; you were dreaming

a parasitic twin or some kind of
semi-conscious Frankenstein, and

should be changed to:
a parasitic twin;
or some kind of semi-conscious Frankenstein, and

(just switched up the lines,lol)

leaving me
is not an option,
because my hands are in your heart
and my voice is in your head
and I would kill you
before I let you go.

Should be changed to:
leaving me,
is not an option,
because my hands are in your heart,
my voice is in your head,
I would kill you,
before I let you go.

But hey, this is just my opinion...




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Wed Jan 26, 2005 1:10 am
Soyala Amaya says...



Erm...seems scary. Rather morbid, obsessive, somewhat like an ex of mine. Still, Misty's right...it seems empty. Like you want to feel these things, but you're just fooling yourself. Again, rather like an ex of mine...I should send this to him, heh.




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Tue Jan 25, 2005 10:47 pm
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Misty wrote a review...



yeah, uh....lemme think. I'm bad at critting poems! :(

But, the words that didn't flow (for me) were: Frankenstein, the part about him wrapping himself in cotton wool..and...

Well I guess I should think that it's very good. I mean, it IS good, but....it feels like it lacks emotion, you know? Like you just wrote it, and wrote it brilliantly of course, but I guess I just didn't feel this with you. Sorry if this actually DID mean a lot to you, and I'm being unconsiderate. But that's how it felt to me. Empty. Sorry...




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Mon Jan 24, 2005 7:22 pm
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Myriadne wrote a review...



I really like the last stanza and the second half of the first stanza. I don't know why but the first half of the first stanza from "personally, I know I've never seen " to "I don’t think so; you were dreaming" reads to prosaically for me and doesn't really flow well. Maybe you could cut out some of the excess words like "out" other than that I thought this was a brilliant piece :) Your use of langguage is wonderful.





here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a treee called life; which grows higher than the soul can home or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
— e.e. cummings