This is a short piece I wrote after seeing a TV programme about the first of the Bali bombings. I wondered what on earth could drive a person to be a suicide bomber and how they would feel about it. So this happened.
Bomb
A blinding rage; an all-consuming flame,
This burning passion that
Devours my reason and my intellect –
It pulses in my blood and stretches
Through my body, so that
My tendons become wires, and
My bones become a fuse,
While my heart ticks down the seconds
And my sweat has turned to ice –
A sublime taste of fear and
Fervour on my lips
As my life explodes
Into a million pieces.
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Canary word: Present
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125,004 Literary Works • 672,792 Reviews
Perhaps I've listened to too much Switchfoot, but blowing up into a million pieces wasn't all that original. I think you would more likely disintegrate than anything. :shrugs: I like it, but it could've done more for the reader. I like eye candy when I read my poems, and knowing what the poem was about was the only way I got that. I think it had some images, but my view was tainted from reading your disclaimer at top. I don't like words and phrases like "explode," "burning," and "blinding." Mostly cause I see them everywhere. I didn't get the tension as one of the commenters claimed, either. I just got a kind of unambiguous relief, in the best sense of the word. I wasn't relieved to be through or anything, I was just unambiguously relieved that it was over. I can see the tension, but it's a false tension. Because you give your poem nowhere else to go, any form of tension vanishes from the poem. I don't know, do what you will. I've no further comments. Good day.
this was a really an amazing poem... i love this word choice in this, esoeciaally the comparison of your tendons becoming wires and bones becoming a fear. You really made it a tense poem..
Yes, exactly Crysi! Precisely what I mean to imply! [bows sweepingly] My work here is done
*agrees*
I love this! I can feel the suspense, and imagine the feelings two different ways: Being an actual suicide bomber, or having something happen to you that completely destroys your life. Excellent!
Thank you Firestarter
(btw, your current avatar is very appropriate, lol)
This is cool.
The pace is quick, which leads it to a conclusion, the eventual explosion, which creates a good source of suspense.
I love the first line - A blinding rage; an all-consuming flame . Lovely.
The chosen words are just great, I especially enjoyed the middle lines, My tendons become wires, and/My bones become a fuse/While my heart ticks down the seconds/And my sweat has turned to ice Very neat.
And a great ending too. Really good!
Thanks - I'm glad you liked it
I was hoping to give it a feeling of tension so its good that you saw that. Thanks again for your reviews, happy holidays!
~bubble
wow. tension, yes. it made me read this really fast, which adds to the tension. good job. agree with skye-don't change anything!
I like this a lot! There is a nice tension about it until the very end. I wouldn't change a thing!