Thump,thump,thump.
I grip the table until my knuckles turn white, breathe just breathe. He'll stop after he gets bored.
Thump, thump, thump.
cluntching my jaws, I slowly turn and stare at Carter my nemessis since 11th grade. His been nothing but trouble
since the day he stepped in my school. With his spiked up hair, piercing blue eyes and his stupid smirk that seems to be stuck on his stupid face.
Rumors started going around that he got kicked out of his old school because he almost set the school on fire. I wouldn't be surprised if he blew up the school. the reason why I hate him is because he got me into trouble 3 times. 3 times! And I did nothing, nothing to him. Not so much as breath a word to him. Im what you call a straight a student, very neat and oranized person, always on time before the school late bell rings. Unlike some people
who skip classes and not evan bothering to show up on weeks on end to school.
"what is your problem" I ask him annoyingly
"I wasn't aware there was a problem" he answers back all innocently
I give him the stink eye "Stop kicking my chair with your damn foot!"
"Ooooohh girl can cuss, does your mom know about this?" He asks as he folds his arms across his chest
"You know what----" I start to say but get caught off by Mrs. Jamson
"Emma! Pease leave the room" I turn around and face the teacher shocked.
"But I didn't do anything" I stay grounded to my seat not bothering to get up. One this is for sure I won't be humiliated
in front of the class.
"Emma-" Mrs.Jamson signs as she points to the door "Please don't make this hard as it already is"
"This is so unfair!" I start again as I push back my chair and point my finger at Carter
"He's the one that you should kick out because he keeps kicking my chair for the past week"
Carter shrugs, he looks at the teacher as if he has no clue what Im talking about.
"Emma please step out and I'll talk to you in a bit" I stare at her for a moment but end up walking past my class mates
who are staring and wispering along with Carter and his stupid smirk on his ugly face, god how much I hate his face.
and walk out into the hallway where I sit on the cold floor next to the Mrs. Jamson's door and wait.
(To be continued...)
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138,485 Literary Works • 672,142 Reviews
I really enjoyed this. It was perfectly introduced and well written. I love how you descriped carcter.
You should go and cheack your format because halway through the sentece it goes into a new parapragh. For example:
"cluntching my jaws, I slowly turn and stare at Carter my nemessis since 11th grade. His been nothing but trouble
since the day he stepped in my school. With his spiked up hair, piercing blue eyes and his stupid smirk that seems to be stuck on his stupid face. "
So yeah.... there you go! Keep them chapters comming!!
I love this! Reminds me of some boys at my middle school....
Some of your dialogue needs capitols at the beginning.
ex.
Also When you say:
You should say:
Thanks for the replay I changed a couple of the stuff youtold me about.
Haha, I have to say I love your writing style
Okay anyways, I suggest you space out your paragraphs (like double 'enter' instead of just once) and check your formatting so it'll just be more pleasant on the eyes.
Your hook/beginning sentence was amazing. It really drew me in and got me addicted to this.
Some things to check out (sorry for my lack of proper quotes, not sure how to do that yet...)
"Emma-" Mrs.Jamson signs as she points to the door "please don't make this hard as it already is"
It should be 'more hard' instead of just 'hard'.
You are also missing either commas or periods at some places like for example,
"This is so unfair!" I start again as I push back my chair and point my finger at Carter
Add a period/comma after Carter. Its a really small detail and in this case doesn't affect it much, but it still helps somewhat. You've also got some misspelled words like 'whispering' (near the end) and 'piercing' (when you talk about his eyes). Proofreading this will definitely help.
For the piece itself. Its funny, and down to earth. The dialogue between Carter and Emma was delightful to read and though this isn't action packed, its still very enjoyable.
I hope you write more of this soon. Give me a pm or write on my wall when you do!
Lol thanks guys for replying back and letting know on my mistakes I'll be sure to edit it soon.