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Young Writers Society



Why me...

by bsbfan19


Thump,thump,thump.

Igrip the table until my knuckles turn white, breathe just breathe.He'll stopafter he gets bored.

Thump, thump, thump.

cluntching my jaws,I slowly turn and stare at Carter my nemessis since 11th grade. His been nothing but trouble

since the day he stepped in my school. With hisspiked up hair, piercing blue eyes and his stupid smirk thatseems to be stuck on his stupid face.

Rumors started going around that he got kicked out of his old school because he almost set the school on fire. I wouldn't be surprised if he blew up the school. the reason why I hate him is because he got me into trouble 3 times. 3 times! And I did nothing, nothing to him. Not so much as breath a word to him.Im what you call a straight a student, very neat and oranized person, always on time before the school late bell rings. Unlike some people

whoskip classes and not evanbothering to show up on weeks on end to school.

"what is your problem" I ask him annoyingly

"I wasn't aware there was a problem" heanswers back all innocently

I give him the stink eye"Stop kicking my chair with your damn foot!"

"Ooooohh girl can cuss, does your mom know about this?" He asks as he folds his arms across his chest

"You know what----" Istart to say but get caughtoff by Mrs. Jamson

"Emma! Pease leave the room" I turn around and face the teacher shocked.

"But I didn't do anything" I stay grounded to my seat not bothering to get up. One this is for sure I won't be humiliated

in front of the class.

"Emma-"Mrs.Jamson signs as she points to the door "Please don't make this hard as it already is"

"This is so unfair!"I start again asIpush back my chair and point my finger at Carter

"He's the one that you should kick out because he keeps kicking my chair for the past week"

Carter shrugs, he looks at the teacher as if he has no clue what Im talking about.

"Emma please step out and I'll talk to you in a bit" I stare at her for a moment but end up walking past my class mates

who are staring and wispering along with Carter and his stupid smirk on his ugly face, god how much I hate his face.

and walk out into the hallway where I sit on the cold floor next to the Mrs. Jamson's door and wait.

(To be continued...)

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15 Reviews

Points: 894
Reviews: 15

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Mon Aug 06, 2012 12:13 am
fairyreader wrote a review...



I really enjoyed this. It was perfectly introduced and well written. I love how you descriped carcter.

You should go and cheack your format because halway through the sentece it goes into a new parapragh. For example:

"cluntching my jaws, I slowly turn and stare at Carter my nemessis since 11th grade. His been nothing but trouble
since the day he stepped in my school. With his spiked up hair, piercing blue eyes and his stupid smirk that seems to be stuck on his stupid face. "

So yeah.... there you go! Keep them chapters comming!!




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20 Reviews

Points: 1239
Reviews: 20

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Thu Mar 22, 2012 1:26 am
ikiru says...



I love this! Reminds me of some boys at my middle school.... :P

Some of your dialogue needs capitols at the beginning.
ex.

"you know what----"


Also When you say:
"His the one that you should kick out because he keeps kicking my chair for the past week"

You should say:
#FF0000 ">He's the one you should kick out #FF0000 ">.#FF0000 ">He #FF0000 ">has been kicking my chair for that past week#FF0000 ">."




bsbfan19 says...


Thanks for the replay I changed a couple of the stuff youtold me about.



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12 Reviews

Points: 1444
Reviews: 12

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Wed Mar 21, 2012 6:22 am
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CeruleanBlaze wrote a review...



Haha, I have to say I love your writing style :)

Okay anyways, I suggest you space out your paragraphs (like double 'enter' instead of just once) and check your formatting so it'll just be more pleasant on the eyes.

Your hook/beginning sentence was amazing. It really drew me in and got me addicted to this.

Some things to check out (sorry for my lack of proper quotes, not sure how to do that yet...)

"Emma-" Mrs.Jamson signs as she points to the door "please don't make this hard as it already is"

It should be 'more hard' instead of just 'hard'.

You are also missing either commas or periods at some places like for example,

"This is so unfair!" I start again as I push back my chair and point my finger at Carter

Add a period/comma after Carter. Its a really small detail and in this case doesn't affect it much, but it still helps somewhat. You've also got some misspelled words like 'whispering' (near the end) and 'piercing' (when you talk about his eyes). Proofreading this will definitely help.


For the piece itself. Its funny, and down to earth. The dialogue between Carter and Emma was delightful to read and though this isn't action packed, its still very enjoyable.

I hope you write more of this soon. Give me a pm or write on my wall when you do! :)




bsbfan19 says...


Lol thanks guys for replying back and letting know on my mistakes I'll be sure to edit it soon.




akdsjfh you know that feeling where you start writing a scene but then you get bored with the scene so you move on and start writing a different scene and then you get bored with that scene so you move on to an entirely different WIP and then you get bored with that so you move on-
— AceassinOfTheMoon