Published June 10, 2011
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Canary word: Present
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139,521 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
I agree with Nafe on most of her points. This poem either needs to be heartfelt or funny and entertaining. You fell into a grey area. I wasn't sure if you were being serious or not. You have to pick a side and stick with it to make it strong. It definitely needs something more. With some effort this can turn out to be really great.
Veritas
I really enjoyed this
. At first when I saw it, I was like "ugh, a long poem but then I started to get into it and read 
. Lol. I didn't understand a few bits and the ending I was like "uhh, what?" haha. 
Other then that, I really enjoyed this. A lot of A B rhyming poems suck but yours was fantastic! 
I demand you write more lovely poetry! 
Hiyah, Nafe here and I'm going to review your poem.
It was an okay poem. Not too spectacular and it seemed to have missed it's purpose of entertainment.I mean I got the gist of it all and saw what you were trying to get at but it seems your wording was rather off and your poem wasn't as funny as it could've been. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoyed reading it but I felt you could have done MORE.
I'm usually not such a nit-picky person but I'm afraid I'll have to be with this particular poem. The flow was off as in really, really off. Sometimes it would all just melt together and other times it would just fall apart. Also, it would have been easier to read if you'd placed it in stanzas. When it was one stanza like that, it was difficult to read without getting distracted by the other lines. Perhaps if you still want it as one stanza, you could centre the poem instead of making it left aligned?
On top of that, there were quite a number of spelling mistakes which I've carefully selected and pointed out below.
But you didnt want what I'd suggest
I don't know why, It was the cheapest<<should be why. It [color=#000000]or why, it[/color]
And when we were at the reataurant<<should be restaurant
And when I responded to your yelp
I spilling your wine which didn't help<<this sentence makes no grammatical sense
And I really must apologies<<should be apologise
That I took so long to realise
That I didnt have my wallet insight<<should be in sight
So thanks for paying the bill that night
That's about it really. Overall, good work. It definitely could've been better though. Look forward to reading more of your work =)