Umm, I don't know how good it is, but i wanted to try this. 
p.s. The actual book part needs to be downloaded, it's my stupid computer.
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Canary word: Present
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125,004 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
Hello, welcome to YWS. As Olivia said, you need to do two reviews before you post anything else. I took a peek at your story and I reviewed most of it. I know you said you couldn't copy and paste from Word but you should think about posting in smaller sections or putting this all in the advanced critique section if it's ten pages. Anyway, I reviewed this and I'm very interested to see where this goes. I reviewed it in Word, so I will give you the file.
My comments/corrections are in red and there's a summary at the bottom.
Good luck,
Nariel
Hi! As you're new I just want to say welcome to YWS!
We do have a few rules here, and it would be great if you can keep your review to submitting ratio 2:1 so please try and post two reviews as soon as you can!
I think this might be in the wrong place or at least posted awkwardly...if you want it reviewed as a piece in its entirity then it should have been submitted in the advanced critique section....otherwise, if you could copy and paste your stuff into the text box, maybe one chapter at a time...in which case it is in the right section. I will be happy to review this for you when its a little easier for meto do this. If you want me to clarify any of my ramblings just PM me!