he loved the stars
and getting his hands dirty
he was most likely getting put behind bars
before he turned thirty
she loved the way words moved her
and had a knack for trouble
her saturday nights were a blur
and on sundays she found herself putting memories together like a puzzle
they found each other somehow
a coincidence you couldn’t imagine
they're happier now
peace from passion
he is 35 now & with a clean record
and she just published her second book with him onboard
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Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hello! Welcome to YWS. Like @FireSpyGirl I also found you were missing periods and commas but she already showed them to you so I'm just kind of telling you what I liked about it now
I like how you fit two characters in this poem. Most poems I've read have been about one person's feelings, thought's, or passions but I haven't yet seen a shorter poem where you could fit two characters and yet still make it beautiful and meaningful. I also really liked how they both became better as people when they got together.
I enjoyed how you presented both their backgrounds first before saying "and his life became better" then continueing with her flaws "then her life became better" you made a point at the end that without each other, their lifes would have been different and not as happy and pleasant in the end.
All in all you did a good job
thank youu
Sure thing.
Hi there and welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy it here.
So this is a really good poem! So there are just a few small things that I noticed, and if you want me to point them out, let me know. However, I'm just going to write the poem out again, so you can see the changes I'm going to suggest. Here goes!
"He loved the stars,
And getting his hands dirty.
He was most likely going to get put behind bars
Before he turned thirty.
She loved the way words moved her,
She had a knack for trouble,
Her Saturday nights were a blur,
On Sundays she found herself
Putting memories together like a puzzle.
They found each other somehow,
A coincidence you couldn't imagine,
They're happier now,
Peace came from passion,
He is 35 now with a clean record,
She just published her second book
With him onboard."
So they are just minor changes, and I changed the rhythm a little, because I think it makes it flow better, but feel free to ignore everything I have said!
Again, this is a really good poem.
Keep up the amazing work!
yes thank youu