PuRe DaRk BeAuTy

by broken-image

Published November 3, 2006

:|

Comments & reviews · 2
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moosiegirl
Comment
moosiegirl commented Comment · Jan 24, 2007

i dont exactly agree with niteowl but i think that your song is pretty well done. If you add a little more that it seem a little more clear Go for it!
*moosie*

User avatar
niteowl
Review
niteowl wrote a review Review · Nov 11, 2006

Okay, first off, TyPiNg LiKe ThIs Is ReAlLy AnNoYiNg, AS IS TYPING LIKE THIS!!! I don't know if you accidentally pressed Caps Lock or if you're trying to show screaming or what, but it's too much. Go with normal capitalization please.

Now for a real critique. "To search beyond limits and not be bound by them" seems a little awkward to me. Also, is it really necessary to say "pure dark beauty" in every verse but one? Stick it in the chorus and find replacement imagery for the other parts.

I really liked your second-to-last stanza, except "break away" should be two words.

Good job!



I’d heard he had started a fistfight in one of the seedier local taverns because someone had insisted on saying the word “utilize” instead of “use".
— Patrick Rothfuss, A Wise Man's Fear