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Young Writers Society



i want it

by brittyn


power, confidense, spotlight i want it. Flashing lights all around me people wanting my picture i want it. to walk the runway, to wear the clothes, to be the model i want it.

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1464 Reviews

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Mon Jan 18, 2010 4:43 am
Juniper wrote a review...



Hey there, Britt! Welcome to YWS!

This isn't so bad, but I think you should elaborate a little more, probably give us a bit more on setting and why she wants this, and possibly work on the structure of this just a little bit more. Also! The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

Keep writing. ;)

June




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45 Reviews

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Mon Jan 18, 2010 4:09 am
Layla wrote a review...



Hi.! This is really good but why did you stop? You should more emotion into this.

power,confidense

you spelled confidence wrong Hun. Confidence is spelled with and s instead of a c. And the p in power should be capitalized.
Since this is a poem so it should be written in poem form Instead of It being all squished together like a paragraph. Review poems and see how others write their poetry, then rewrite this.
PM me for any questions.
<3;
Layla





Stupidity's the deliberate cultivation of ignorance.
— William Gaddis