Hey there bright2800 and welcome to YWS.
I thought you might be in need of a supplemental review, so here I am.
The overall sentiment of this is nice.
Like I get the levels that people could relate to this and how it expresses the overwhelming emotions in all. Very short and compact, perhaps a bit too compact. I get what you're going for here, simplicity wise, keeping it short and sweet. But it also overall feels like the reader is being rushed around but the narrator is also pleading with them, so there's a lot of conflict there.
For this case the title addition of "a number poem", only reaches so far into this piece.
Like the first line.
I thought this would have more detail and more numbers perhaps, like different numbers that meant different things to you, in different applications about graduation. Instead, it just states the future graduation date and tapers off with bad advice people give you in highschool.
The bad advice. Or at least the inaccurate advice that's understating the matter a little bit, is your key relation point. I think you were going more for having a really sympathetic alternate character but as I pointed out before, on my end it sounds like bad advice. It sounds almost sarcastic to me and with the additional filing under 'teen fiction', it leads me to other places.
I'm sort of rambling so to get back on topic, you've made this a little too vague. I'd loosen up a bit on the strings and let some more drama and emotions flow, rather than having such a narrow focus.
There's not too much for me to comment on so sorry that this is a bit short.
If you have any questions, feel free to shoot me a PM.
Have a nice day.
~lizz
Points: 650
Reviews: 766
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