If you can guess, this is a Harry Potter fanfic. It takes place during the first book, after Harry and Hermione split up at the potion riddle and while Harry is facing off Professor Quirrel. I've always been curious to how Hermione and Ron's part of the adventure ended and disappointed that it was never mentioned, so I decided to write it, just for the fun of it. Let me know what you think!
Hermione raced across the black and white checkered floor littered with shattered marble. Dropping beside the prone figure, she hurriedly felt for a pulse, holding her breath.
Yes. There was a steady beating. Knocked out was always better than dead, she thought to herself. She studied her friend carefully. He didn’t look too great- he was almost as pale as Nearly-Headless Nick, stark against his freckles and shock of bright red hair. But at least Ron didn’t seem to have broken anything. Sighing with relief, Hermione stuck her wand back into her robes. She needed to get Ron to the hospital wing before he got any worse.
Then came the problem of moving him. Princes in Muggle fairy tales had no problem carrying swooning girls, but Hermione discovered fast that unconscious bodies were much too awkward and limp for such things- especially when they were taller than she was. So much for fairy tales, Hermione thought huffily as she wrapped her arms around Ron’s chest and headed for the door, Ron’s feet dragging on the ground.
Hermione glanced over her shoulder once, momentarily torn by indecision of leaving Harry to face whatever horrors he may come across in that final room. What if he needed her brains, her skills?
Ron needs me, too, she reminded herself firmly, and there‘s nothing you can do for Harry now. Although she did intend on tracking down the headmaster or anyone else useful the moment she got the chance.
Time seemed to stand still as Hermione and her limp burden passed the towering, lifeless and broken chess figures that loomed forebodingly overhead. Nothing stirred, but Hermione was still glad when they were through the doors.
Until she remembered the troll. Twelve whole feet of stinky, slimy, stupid troll sprawled out at the door. The troll was twitching and snorting now- showing signs of waking up. Hermione shuddered at the thought of facing another troll anytime soon.
She was much better prepared now, she assured herself. She stopped to reposition Ron so that she gripped his arms over her shoulders and his red head lolled at her left arm, then hurried for the opposite door as quickly as she could.
Hermione felt as much as heard the troll lumber to its feet, and it didn’t sound happy. She paused just long enough to pull out her wand and blast a fountain of red sparks at the far wall, hoping to distract the beast. Fear coursing through her veins gave her the strength to sprint the last halfway to the door under her heavy load. As the troll’s angry roars filled her ears, Hermione grasped the door handle, yanked it open, dragged herself and Ron through, and slammed it shut as hard as she could.
Blissful, still, silence greeted her, for in this room there was nothing more than bird-keys flapping peacefully overhead. There were hundreds of them, of every shape and size. Hermione, though, was interested only in catching her breath. She still had a long way to go.
Hermione slapped a hand to her forehead. How could she not have thought of it? They had learned the flying charm months ago! It might not be ideal, she thought, but it would certainly be easier than carrying Ron.
“Wingardium Leviosa!” she said with a flick of her wand. Ron rose into the air until he hung four feet above the ground, and Hermione concentrated on keeping him in a hover just in front of her as she crossed the room. Much easier than carrying.
Hermione stopped at the far door, gently letting Ron down. She couldn’t forget the Devil’s Snare that had very nearly suffocated Harry and Ron. And even without the Devil’s Snare, how were they supposed to get to the trap door? She could fly Ron up there, but then he’d be at the mercy of the three-headed dog!
Desperately, Hermione raised her wand, glad she’d studied ahead in their charm book, and called out, “Accio rope!”
It was as much a surprise to her as it would have been to anybody else when just that came tumbling through the hole. Hermione stared- the rope was heavy, probably four inches thick. Glancing up, she couldn’t see it’s end. Crossing her fingers, Hermione grabbed the rope and tugged. When nothing happened, she gripped it with both hands and hung. She breathed a sigh of relief when the rope didn’t give way. Now, all she needed was…
She still had Hagrid’s flute! Glad she hadn’t given it back to Harry yet, Hermione pulled it out of her robes, turning it in her fingers as she thought. The next step would be tricky, as the Devil’s Snare plant was only a few feet from which she stood- she didn’t want to tangle with that plant again.
Reluctantly, she decided the only way this would work would be to send Ron ahead of her. Clenching the flute in her teeth, she cast the flying charm on Ron once more and carefully maneuvered him through the door at the top, letting him drop gently on the ground. Immediately a low growl started, and Hermione started playing.
All she could manage without her hands was one tuneless note, but that seemed to be enough for the dog. Cramming her wand back into her robes, Hermione grabbed the rope and began hauling herself up, one slow pull at a time, all the while blowing through the little wooden flute. Finally, she pulled herself up over the edge. The rest was easy, she told herself.
Then she saw where the rope had come from- it was attached to one of the dog’s collars! Hermione gasped, accidentally taking her teeth out of the flute. Desperately she scrambled to catch it, but she was a second to slow- and the flute tumbled through the trap door.
Instantly, all three heads came awake- three sets of teeth bared and three low growls coming from its throats as six red eyes narrowed on her alone. Grapping Ron’s arm, Hermione yanked her wand out with a shaking hand, sending off green and red sparks as well as any spell she could think of to distract the monster. But the dog was not easily distracted from it’s prey, and the spells were buying her very little time- not as much time as she needed to make it to the door.
Teeth snapped inches from her wand tip and Hermione screamed, dragging Ron by one arm and firing red sparks in the head’s eyes with the other. Almost at the door… nearly there…
The door flew open with a bang, and light flooded in the room. Hermione glanced up to see a tall figure in billowing robes silhouette in the light… the man called out something in a booming voice, and instantly the three-headed dog dropped into a drooling sleep.
“Professor Dumbledore!” Hermione exclaimed, relieved.
“Yes, I do go by that name. Are you two all right?” he asked, looking concerned.
“We are now, thank you. Professor, Harry-”
“Yes, I’m aware- I must hurry,” Dumbledore called over his shoulder as he crossed the room. Hermione felt as though a ten ton load had been lifted from her. If Dumbledore was here, everything would be fine, she told herself, sighing in relief. Now all she had to do was haul Ron up to the hospital wing.
“You could wake up anytime now, Ron,” she muttered, resigned to the long haul. She was physically and emotionally exhausted. This heroics thing was much harder than it ever was in Muggle fairy tales.
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
This is utterly wonderful! I love the Harry Potter series and I must say, J.K. should definitely have to see this.
'though I kinda noticed this:
I know nonverbal spells exist in the wizarding world but Hermione wouldn't be capable of knowing how to do it as she's just in her first year and is just beginning to learn magic.
Still, I liked reading this. It kinda made me miss reading the series.
Aww this was so cute! I think it was good and honestly, I never really thought about the gap in the book. The only thing that stuck out to me was :
I don't think that's something that Dumbledore would say
Overall, this has the best spelling, grammar and puctuation I have yet seen on YWS. Well done!
Only two negative things for me. 'The first was the use of 'anytime soon' - it's one of my pet bugbears. The other thing was the phrase 'taking her teeth out of the flute'. Is that what one does with a flute? It didn't feel quite right to me.
Ok, two tiny things, otherwise really well done. And especially well done for carefully checking your work.
My 8 year old (whose work you kindly and helpfully reviewed) says:
I like this story and especially the spooky descrition. I liked the way the rope was attached to the dog's collar.
Well Done. That was a great piece of work, one of my favourite bits of it was when you said how the three dogs teeth snapped inches away from Hermione's wand. That put an image in my mind of these who razor sharp teeth inches away from the wand. You also did a very good job on Dumbledore. I don't think there was much wrong with this and I look forward to reading some more of Harry Potters hidden adventures.
I adored this. Hermione was always my favorite character in the books (save for Luna). I recall dressing up as her for one halloween, wig and all.
Anywho, the review. I'm shite with grammar and even worse with spelling so I probably won't be much of a help there. (Thank goodness for spell check!)
I might suggest reading it out loud to make sure everything sounds the way you want it to, and printing it out and taking a red pen to it for disection might help too! It's always good to revise. Writing is rewriting! A story is never finished, it's just due. Haha.
I love the bit where she says "You can wake up any time now Ron!" You can feel the load she had been heaving lift when the relief of Dumbledore arrived but still there's Ron, loveable, Ron, who she now has to hoist up to the hospital wing.
This was great though, keep it up!
Love and stuff,
Rory
Hey Brass
You critiqued Battle for me, so I thought I would return the favour :]
As it so happens, I don't generally read fanfiction, but due to a YWS user's suggestion, I started to read these amazing remakes of ALL of the books, and I'm still caught up in the whole awesomeness that is Harry Potter.
Anyway, here's my review. Hope it's useful (I see you've already got plenty of critiques, so my review might not be that great)
And
Should what she's thinking be in italics?
Earlier you have made italicised spells, decide which one you wish to have
Just a small thing here - four inches is quite thick for a rope. Do you mean radius (because yes, it's definitely way too thick), diameter or circumference?
Quick question, why didn't she just levitate herself up as well?
I think you mean, "Hermione gasped, accidentally taking her teeth off of the flute."
I agree with a previous comment. Hermione is smart, I'm sure she can come up with other spells to use to distract Fluffy.
Perversely, I think this should be:
Well, that's all I have to say in terms of mistakes and small opinions. Your grammar, spelling and style was very mature and I found very little flaws. As some of the other commentators have pointed out, Hermione seems to have little feeling, but I know how hard it is to convey a characters feelings
Do have a read of that Harry Potter fan fiction I supplied at the top. The first book is a bit hard to get through, but my, the series is fantastic. And I'm not even that much of a Harry Potter fan
Thanks for the very easy read - I wish other posters would take as much care as you did with this story
-Ja
I really liked this! Especially Dumbledore's entree xD so funny!
You kept JK Rowlings style and that's great!
Well done!
-- A.
Yay! To tell you the truth, I actually have never really thought about what happened to Hermione and Ron while Harry was stuck with Quirrell and Voldy-thing. Good idea!
I really liked this because you described everything in depth. I could imagine everything that was going on and see it in my head. What I also found hilarious was Dumbledore's statement "Yes, I do go by that name." XD
However, I think the ending was a little...abrupt. I mean, I understand why you'd put it like that, and I'd probably do it the same way, but maybe you could add just a little bit more, maybe what happens when Ron wakes up, how they hope Harry's all right, their tense waiting as Dumbledore goes off to rescue him, etc. Just saying.
Still--I think this was very good; you should write more HP fan-fictions! ^^
I really like this peice, it's very realistic to Herminones charecter, but one thing that bothered me was this-
I know you mentioned her studing a head, but that would be three years ahead... That didn't learn that spell until the fourth book...
That's just me though.
Good job! =-D
Hey loved this! i love harry potter and it sounds like its in the book you have done an exelent job !!
I absolutely love Harry Potter and I like your interpretation of what happened to Harry's friends when he was with Quirrel.
The descriptions were nice and the story went along with a hitch. However, I think you could've described Hermione's feelings more at the time. She is just 11 and she just encountered a 3 headed dog, a deadly plant, flying keys, a troll, and a destructive chess pieces. I would've been terrified and the Halloween troll incident in the book said she froze in terror while here she was cool and calm.
It might just be the adrenaline but she should have a better reaction.
Though, it's still pretty good and I love your interpretation!
Cioa!
Thank you everybody for your reviews and suggestions! Much appreciated!
Wow!
I love the way you were able to keep J. K. Rowling's style as you wrote this. It's great!
Ha! I loved Dumbledore's line "Yes, I do go by that name." I thoroughly enjoyed your interpretation of what happened!!
I really enjoyed reading this!
I have always wondered what happened to Ron and Hermione when Harry was facing Voldemort. You can see you put a great effort into this. I love your writing skill"z": your words flowed easily, your sentences easy to read, and you captured Hermione's character well.
All in all, a fantastic piece! Well done!
-Maddy
I could review this, but I don't feel like it. I did like this, though, a lot; I always did wonder what happened to Ron and Hermione. I think you put in Hermione's personality, which was a nice touch, since we don't really see a lot of that. There were a couple of misspellings, but I don't feel like correcting them. Very nice!
Hi brassnbridle
I like this, it is a fanfiction of one of my all time favourite books.
I had never really thought of what Hermione did after Harry went through th flames but I like your idea of what could have happened.
If you write any more Harry Potter fanfiction be sure to pm me.
midnightread
I'm a huge 'Harry Potter' fanatic and I loved this piece. Thank You for the read and the hard work you put into this. Good Job!
You did a pretty good impression of Dumbledore there. What I found very vague was when you described Hermione's spells.
Red sparks? Would there be any of that in the Harry Potter books? Even if you can't find a spell like that mentioned in the series, just make up one! Don't say red sparks and green sparks! It sounds lame to the reader! And, you should expand the troll part. It was too easily beaten, almost like you were too lazy to write about the troll. Some red sparks distracted the troll so easily? I mean, after that part, I almost felt like not reading on. I don't want to sound mean, but this is how the reader will feel.
Oh, and at this part
I thought you just mentioned that Hermione was worried about Harry. Why would she suddenly feel good that she hadn't given it back to him? Wouldn't she be worried about Harry getting out? It makes Hermione seem like she suddenly had a change of personality. Be careful not to change the way your characters think in the middle of the story. I would take that sentence out.
Be sure to PM me with any questions!