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The Damned Prince- Prologue

by booklover17


Every night, my mother called me and every night I went to the empty beach where she died. She never comes, but still I sit on the sandy beach under the titled oak tree. This night was warm but I shivered as my mother's call swept over the ocean. I could no longer resist and leaped from my bed. The castle at night was peaceful and the moon was reflected in the polished marble floors. The beach had always been my favorite spot, my mother taught me everything on this beach. I feel her everywhere. I feel her in the sand between my toes and in the beautiful deep blue water in front of me. One day she will go to the Onward. Tomorrow she will be one step closer. Because tomorrow, I avenge her.


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10 Reviews


Points: 236
Reviews: 10

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Wed Apr 14, 2021 3:56 pm
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Otterpop wrote a review...



I've encountered plenty of prologues to stories where they will be two pages long, or even 10! And this prologue is but a paragraph of information. And I believe that works in your favor. Showing uniqueness by writing such a short prologue with all kinds of vivid information is definitely a strong hook for any story.

It's important for an audience to connect to the main character in some way, and I think you've nailed that here. The sentences and structure immediately connect me to memories full of happiness, pleasantries, and tranquility that gets undercut by the sudden change of pace in the last few sentences.

Personally, I try and consider as much sensual (relating to the senses that is) information as possible, but given how short the prologue is I don't think any more detail is really necessary. This is a great and short start to the story and I wish you luck with future sections! It definitely has some potential if the prologue already is this good!



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booklover17 says...


Thank you very much!



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Wed Apr 14, 2021 10:20 am
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: First of all, right off the bat, this seems like a great thing to be including in a prologue here. Its definitely showing something that will get a reader's attention and have them wanting to find out more and its short and to the point. Well...I'll explain a tiny bit more down there though there really isn't too much to say in a piece that's this short.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Every night, my mother called me and every night I went to the empty beach where she died. She never comes, but still I sit on the sandy beach under the titled oak tree. This night was warm but I shivered as my mother's call swept over the ocean. I could no longer resist and leaped from my bed. The castle at night was peaceful and the moon was reflected in the polished marble floors. The beach had always been my favorite spot, my mother taught me everything on this beach. I feel her everywhere. I feel her in the sand between my toes and in the beautiful deep blue water in front of me. One day she will go to the Onward. Tomorrow she will be one step closer. Because tomorrow, I avenge her.


Well this does seem like its the start of something that could be really interesting here. Its sounds like this arc over the mother's death could be a really powerful story to write and the way you've described him missing here in everything he sees really brings to life the sort of emotion that could be involved in a situation like this. The ending here is also done really well. The promise of some avenging happening definitely bodes quite well for what may happen in the actual story once that starts as well. All in all, I think this is a pretty well executed prologue with all the essentials covered quite well.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall this seems like it is set to be a really interesting story and I would definitely read any chapters that come out for it. Anyway that's all I've gotta say for now. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry



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booklover17 says...


Thank you very much!




Who overcomes by force, hath overcome but half his foe.
— John Milton (Poet)