Young Writers Society

I can empathise with the loss depicted in this poem, I understand what it means to have someone by your side and all of a sudden the person disappears. The poem doesn't rhyme but this is a piece that doesn't need to, the brevity is amazing and I think it shows our human emotions. The ending is very nice and makes the poem solid, I like your metaphors and your description.
Don't stop writing.

Hey there! First of all, late welcome to YWS! I hope you are enjoying it so far
This is a lovely poem. You had some great lines talking about loss, which is a hard subject to talk about and a hard feeling to go through. I love your last two lines and "You taught me everything/ But you never taught me how to live without you" You did a really good job with portraying the pain of loss. Nice job! I have a few things I'd like to point out. Some of these are just suggestions, so you don't have to listen to them if you don't want to! <3

This is just a personal preference, but I feel that the first stanza could be separated into two, the first line of the new second stanza being "They came and took you"

You use a lot of ellipsis in your poem. I think using a whole bunch of them takes away from the importance of it. If you are going to use it, I recommend using it only once, or even twice, but not as many times as you did. But this is also a personal opinion!

Like a tide washing it's shore away...

Feels like am walking by the shore of a silent sea...

My heart is torn apart
And am hovering between US and ME

That's when I feel the grief ,

Legacy here for a review.

I love the content of this poem but it was very difficult to read because the white text is directly over the white bits of the background. It would be nice if maybe you could accompany this with voice if you wanted to keep the image for those that have a hard time reading it.

I love how the description of loss is being compared to drowning (although this has been used before, you write it in a way that sounds new). The ending of this is heartbreaking. I feel for anyone that can relate to this poem.

I can't really say much grammatically since I don't see anything wrong in that area. The stanza breaks are in natural spots throughout the poem.

I hope this was helpful, Legacy out.

I really liked this!
"As if half of me is already lost I don't know whether to cry Or feel angry for being left alone, I lost you...I feel people talking...consoling me But I am numb. They came and took you Like a tide washing it's shore away" I really! Really liked that!!
But i was a bit confused about is was she in a dream for halve of the story? Because you say "When I wake up the next day and go to your room.. just to find the bed empty.." Was she asleep?
But anyway that was my short review! and thank you for sharing this piece of writing!
-Sunset (MissVelociraptor)