Published March 31, 2010
During the last 6 weeks my psychology class has been reading and discussing the book The Old Man and the Sea. At the end of the reading we had to create a type of project. Our project could be many different types of work, but I chose a poem. My poem describes life and how struggles and challenges create some sort of accomplishment in a persons life.I would love to get feedback on what you think about my project.
Life is full of struggles that we all must come to face
Accomplished challenges will put us in our place.
Don’t give up and don’t give in, for you’ll have something to show.
The trust you have within yourself, you must find before you go.
Through life we all must struggle, but key is to believe.
Not in the hands of others, but through ourselves we must achieve.
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Your rhyming was consistent and your point was quite clear, that's all great.
But... your rhythm was kind of weird. I know, it's a short poem and it shouldn't be that bad, but there's a complete difference between the first stanza and the second and third. I would work on getting those a little more... evenly spread. After that, you have a nice poem that's both consistent in rhyming and rhythm! Whatdya know?!
Love,
Fixed
This poem has a pretty nice rhyming lines. I certainly love the message you conveyed. I love how you describe life and its struggle as well as you message of encouragement.
I only see one small mistake
I believe you are missing "the" but the rest is good to me.
Definately amazing. I love that book...Please don't ask why I read it, my teacher suggested it..haha.
This was very original...and I loved your ryhme scheme. I think you deserve and A. The last two lines were my favorite, because it portrayed the deepest message to me that got me thinking after I read the poem.