It’s the sweetest madness.
Warm and cold at the same time.
Untouchable, unbreakable, unstoppable.
Light and dark intermingled.
More alive than ever before,
More dead than I could ever be.
Invisible to everyone,
Undeniable to oneself.
It leaves a mark without touching you.
Leaves a scar, though it’s never seen.
A more bittersweet insanity,
I have never known.
No control, no escape.
Given a life sentence,
Though no crime has been committed.
Can’t ever escape,
To harsh, cold world of sanity,
Stuck forever in inescapable, unavoidable, madness
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Don;t worry, i wrote this poem ages ago and no one seems to get what it's about. It's supposed to be about love and that it makes you insane as well as being a type of insanity in itself. Though i guess if i have to explain that, it's not a very good poem. Oh well.
Did anyone actually get that it was about that? orwas it a really obscure message?
I made a few of the changes that you guys suggested. I can't believe i missed that thou, i do actually know that that's wrong. It's just a little bit of text-talk slipping through and I'll watch out for it next time.
Bad word usage... The word should be "Though" Thou is sort of an old form of you, like thou shalt not kill.
You had a lack of punctuation, which should be fixed. Here's an article I wrote that may help: Poetry & Punctuation
this line doesn't really make sense to me.
Is the poem about being insane/ in an asylum? I think it's odd you should write this, since I don't think your insane or in an asylum, but what ever, your choice.
I agree with everything Ofour said.
Maybe change "deader" to "more dead"
"Deader than I could ever be" - "Deader"?
"Thou no crime has been committed" - "Thou" should be "Though".
"Can’t ever escape" - That sounds ugly.
You don't use any full stops and you need more commas. I find that it stops and starts when you read it, it doesn't flow very well. The idea is a bit strange. Even so I quite enjoyed it.