z

Young Writers Society



Sweet Madness

by blonde&confused


It’s the sweetest madness.
Warm and cold at the same time.
Untouchable, unbreakable, unstoppable.
Light and dark intermingled.
More alive than ever before,
More dead than I could ever be.
Invisible to everyone,
Undeniable to oneself.
It leaves a mark without touching you.
Leaves a scar, though it’s never seen.
A more bittersweet insanity,
I have never known.
No control, no escape.
Given a life sentence,
Though no crime has been committed.
Can’t ever escape,
To harsh, cold world of sanity,
Stuck forever in inescapable, unavoidable, madness

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments


Random avatar

Points: 890
Reviews: 22

Donate
Mon Feb 19, 2007 5:44 pm
blonde&confused says...



Don;t worry, i wrote this poem ages ago and no one seems to get what it's about. It's supposed to be about love and that it makes you insane as well as being a type of insanity in itself. Though i guess if i have to explain that, it's not a very good poem. Oh well.
Did anyone actually get that it was about that? orwas it a really obscure message?

I made a few of the changes that you guys suggested. I can't believe i missed that thou, i do actually know that that's wrong. It's just a little bit of text-talk slipping through and I'll watch out for it next time.




User avatar
2058 Reviews

Points: 32885
Reviews: 2058

Donate
Mon Feb 19, 2007 5:22 pm
Emerson wrote a review...



Deader than I could ever be
I don't think deader is a word. More dead?

Thou no crime has been committed
Bad word usage... The word should be "Though" Thou is sort of an old form of you, like thou shalt not kill.

You had a lack of punctuation, which should be fixed. Here's an article I wrote that may help: Poetry & Punctuation

I have never known
this line doesn't really make sense to me.

Is the poem about being insane/ in an asylum? I think it's odd you should write this, since I don't think your insane or in an asylum, but what ever, your choice.




Random avatar

Points: 2020
Reviews: 87

Donate
Mon Feb 19, 2007 5:15 pm
gymnast_789 says...



I agree with everything Ofour said.

Maybe change "deader" to "more dead"




User avatar
187 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 187

Donate
Mon Feb 19, 2007 4:59 pm
Ofour wrote a review...



"Deader than I could ever be" - "Deader"?

"Thou no crime has been committed" - "Thou" should be "Though".

"Can’t ever escape" - That sounds ugly.

You don't use any full stops and you need more commas. I find that it stops and starts when you read it, it doesn't flow very well. The idea is a bit strange. Even so I quite enjoyed it.





This is a house of homes, a sacred place, by human passion made divinely sweet.
— Alfred Joyce Kilmer