The first line and the last line are the only parts that really affected me. Try to spruce up the middle bits some more.
Do you know that song, the one that goes "In a cottage by a wood, a little old man at the window stood..." ? It's kind of like "Bingo" or "My Hat It Has Five Corners", the way you replace a phrase with a motion each time. And the last line is "Come little rabbit, come with me; how happy we will be." It made me think of that for some reason.
Anyway, it's a good start. Work on those middle stanzas to make them more effecting (affecting? what's the word here?) and interesting, and this could be a very scary poem.
Points: 5688
Reviews: 254
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