Young Writers Society

Monday, Dear Diary,

Oh my god, I would swear that everyone is staring at me. And I have this really paranoid feeling that everyone’s talking about me too. A deadly silence keeps descending on any room I walk into and everywhere I go, I can hear muffled whispering and laughing. God, I hope I haven’t smudged my make up, or have a mark on the back of my trousers or something like that.

Just checked appearance in Girl’s toilets. Nothing wrong with me, I look fine. Which means that I’m either a paranoid lunatic or there is something else that people are saying about me. And knowing this school it’s probably something a hell of a lot worse than having smudged eyeliner.

Matt and I haven’t talked to each other since our strained conversation during the car ride back from my disastrous date, so this really weird, awkward, silence kept settling on our table for about the first half of lunch. That was of course until I spotted Sam smirking at me and wondered aloud:

‘What the hell has he got to laugh about after what happened during our dreadful date?’

‘Well, according to him the date wasn’t all that disastrous’.

I started to ask Matt what he meant by that when the light of my life and my dearest friend came over to torture me. Yep, that’s right, you guessed it, Simone.

‘You’re a right little dark horse aren’t you Jo. Walking around all proud and virginal when you’re actually anything but’.

‘I’m sorry Simone, but aren’t there flies around that need their wings being burnt off or some other poor defenceless living creature that you could be torturing instead of me?’

‘You know I would never have thought it of you Jo, you seem like such a nice girl’.

‘I am nice’.

‘That’s not how Sam tells it. It’s all round school that you and him did the nasty last weekend’.

I was so stunned that for a moment I just sat there with my mouth hanging wide open and my eyes staring. Then I leapt from my chair and stormed out of the lunchroom. I was so hell-bent on just leaving that I didn’t even notice that Matt was following me. That was until we ran into Sam and his mates.

Now here’s the thing, I’m not naturally an aggressive or confrontational person, but when I get mad it really is best to get out of my way or else I’ll just steam roll over you. And unfortunately for him, Sam was in my way. I marched right up to him and greeted him by poking him in the stomach and shouting at him:

‘How could you spread these horrible lies about me?’

He smirked at me and his cronies barely smothered a laugh. ‘What lies are you talking about baby? All I’ve done is tell the truth’.

‘You bastard. You’re going to tell everybody right now that what you spread about me is complete and utter rubbish’.

‘No offence sweetie, but you’re the only one around here that has done any spreading’.

And then Matt punched him. And broke his nose. What is it with me? Every time someone is horrible to me one of my friend’s beats him or her up. Not that it was horrible or anything to see Sam lying on the floor clutching his nose and screaming in pain. It just wasn’t the ideal way to end a Monday lunchtime.

I called April as soon as I got home. She hadn’t been in school all day and to be honest with you I was a little worried about her. More than a little worried actually. Strangely, there was no answer yet again at her house. I’ll have to just hope that she’s in school tomorrow and talk to her then. Ugh, the doorbell has just gone, I’d better drag my miserable carcass off my bed and go and see who it is.

It’s Matt. I was going to pretend that I wasn’t in, but my mum beat me to it and invited him into our living room.

‘Hey Jo’, he says in this really nervous voice, almost like he was afraid of me.

I just stared at him and waited to hear what he had to say.

‘I’m sorry’.

‘About what? Punching Sam in the face? Or for believing that I would do something like that with a boy I hardly know?’

‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry about everything. And I never really believed him just…’

‘Didn’t not believe him?’

He looked so miserable that I couldn’t possibly stay mad at him.

‘Fine, I forgive you’.

It was literally like a shadow had faded from his face. His eyes lit up and he grinned at me with his insecure, shy, cheeky little grin.

So then we sat on the sofa and watched cartoons for the next two hours. Halfway through Rugrats I realised how much I'd missed this. How much I’d missed him. I mean April is great fun, don’t get me wrong, but she’ll never replace Matt. While I was pondering this Matt caught me staring at him and smiled at me. Suddenly I found myself having very weird thoughts about him. Thoughts such as what it might be like to kiss him. Luckily my mum entered the room and interrupted us before I could act on any of these thoughts and told me that April’s mum had just called and wanted me to call her back a.s.a.p.

I’ll just go call back April’s mum, I wonder what she wants. Probably just to arrange for me to give April the homework she missed today.

Tuesday, Dear Diary,

I’ve spent the whole night in the nearby hospital. April was taken in early on Monday morning. She’d taken an overdose and is now in a coma. Her mum hadn’t contacted me before because she hadn’t wanted to leave her daughter’s side. They’re going to let me see her soon, which must be a good thing right? They wouldn’t let me see her if she wasn’t getting better, would they? She’s got to get better. I don’t know what I’d do without her. I need a chance to tell how sorry I am. How sorry I am that I abandoned her in her moment of need for some worthless guy.

Matt just arrived and now he’s sitting with me in the waiting room. Her mum’s still with her and strange doctors keep drifting in and out of her room. I want to stop them and ask them if April is ok or whether she is going to be ok. But I don’t want to waste their precious time in case that ends up hurting her any more than I already have. Her mum just came out of April’s room and said:

‘She’s stable now, but she hasn’t woken up yet. I think it would be best for you two to go to school and then you can come back here later’.

‘But she’s going to be ok, isn’t she? She’s not going to…she can’t... she won’t leave us. Will she?’

Her mum’s mask almost slipped then and she looked like she might burst into tears at any minute. Slowly and quietly she said:

‘I don’t know, Jo. I just don’t know.’

And then Matt and I went to school.

I don’t know how, but somehow the news of April’s attempted suicide has spread around the school like wildfire. At lunch Simone headed over to me and smiled at me like an anaconda might smile at a mouse that had got itself trapped in the snake’s lair.

‘So I hear that loony friend of yours tried to top herself. So is she like dead or dying or what?’

I glared at her and Matt seemed to sense my distress and magically appeared to intervene.

‘She’s in the general hospital nearby. She’s very ill, but she won’t die.’ He said in a soft, gentle voice. I glared at him for giving away any information and he replied with an apologetic smile.

‘Ew, she’s in a NHS hospital? What, her parent’s can’t even afford to go private?’

‘What the hell is wrong with you Simone? A girl is lying in a coma and all you care about is why her parent’s didn’t go private? Why don’t you show some respect and bugger off?’

Simone stared at me aghast. It was the first time that I’d ever stood up to her. She’d finally discovered that this mouse had claws, but I wasn’t finished yet.

‘You walk around like you own the school and treat anybody who is not a member of the popular elite like dirt. When actually when it comes down to it, you’re the one who’s dirt. You’re the one that is going to end up old and alone and unloved because once your looks fade you really will have nothing to offer the world. Nothing!’

And then I stormed out of there with, as usual, Matt tagging along behind me. This time, however, he managed to stop me just outside the lunchroom.

‘That was brilliant’, he told me and that was the first time I’d smiled all day.

April’s Mum was with one of the doctors when we arrived. I don’t know where April’s Dad is. As far as I know he hasn’t been to the hospital yet. When April’s Mum comes out of the doctor’s room, I stared at the bags under her eyes and wondered whether she has even told her husband about what had happened to April.

‘You can go and see her now. But it won’t do a lot of good. She’s still asleep and we don’t know when she’ll wake up.’

Matt stood up to go with me into April’s room, but the nurse stopped him saying:

‘It’s probably best if just one of you go in to see her at the moment’.

Matt glanced at me to see whether this plan was fine with me. I didn’t trust myself to speak and so nodded my head instead. Then within seconds I was opposite April’s bed and staring sadly at her.

She looked so weak. She was surrounded by dozens of scary wires that were attached to even scarier machines. It was strange, but even in this situation, April still looked breathtakingly beautiful. She reminded me of a picture of Snow White I had in my big book of Fairytales. Her black hair was spread out, knotted and shining across her pillow. Her eyes were closed and her pale skin was a perfect contrast to her crimson red lips. I grasped her hand in mine and found myself absentmindedly trying to find her pulse. Trying to find anything other than the steady beep of the nearby machine that would assure me that she was truly alive.

‘I missed you April. School has been hell without you. Everything’s hell without you. But you’ll get better soon, won’t you? And then you can take me to that club you were talking about. Or we could just stay in and have a sleepover or watch a movie or just talk, anything you want.’

My voice shook, but I continued to talk to her.

‘They’ve postponed that whole story writing/reading contest. You can help me write it when you get better.’

Or maybe, a dark voice in my head said, I can read it at your funeral. Tears sprang into my eyes and I pleaded with her.

‘You’ve got to get better April. You just have to. I don’t know why you wanted to leave us, leave me, but when you wake up, everything is going to be better. I promise that everything will be better.’

Still there was no response. Exhaustedly, I left the room into Matt’s waiting arms and he silently drove me home.