I'm trying not to cry,
but tears are already in my eyes.
I'm trying not to fall,
trying to stay whole,
but I've already fallen.
I'm already broken.
Cause nothing I do changes anything,
nothing I try matters,
Cause I'm already crying.
I'm already broken.
I've already fallen.
I'm already crying in the rain.
I'm trying hard to win,
but the fights already over.
I'm trying hard to swim,
but I've already drowned.
I'm trying to fight fate,
but it's just too late.
Cause nothing i do means anything,
Nothing I try works at all.
Cause I'm already crying.
I'm already broken.
I've already fallen.
I'm already crying in the rain.
What can i do?
I'm trying so hard
just to hold onto you.
But you're already gone.
I'm already lost
and no one's looking for me.
Cause nothing I do works, I'm all alone,
I've already failed, already fallen,
already lost, already broken into bits.
I'm already crying, I'm already dying.
I've already died.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This was a good poem, and it portrayed emotion well. Although the repitition irked me a little. Repitition in itself is fine, but don't over do it.
Your rhyming is fairly natural, and sounds great (I think rhyme really enhances poems), but your rhythm is maybe too irregular.
This piece seems to cut the build up of rhythm in half. It left me unsatisfied.
But that is all! I really loved this poem, and it is worth editing and re-editing until you (the writer) are happy with it.
Have fun
Wild
That was good. I'm not sure what the rhyming was, though. It was kind of inconsistant and sparce. Personally, I think you would do just as well to remove the rhyming, because what is there isn't doing much for the poem.
I liked the idea and they way you aplied it. The description was all very fitting and I liked the sort of complex simplicity, if you get what I mean.
This was good.
The flow wasn't great and there was something missing....although I'm not sure what....
I liked the repetition; but it was slightly over used at times....
I loved the line 'I'm already crying in the rain.'
Alainna
xxxxxx