Published November 30, 2007
Lying on the cool country grass,
I connect the many stars in the sky.
Hoping you join me, but you aren’t there.
You stopped listening to me,
Haven’t returned my calls,
You disconnected me and I don’t know why.
You were my rock, my knight in shining armor.
If I was lost in the dark, you always lit a light.
When I was scared,
You held me and told me that it was all right.
I miss your smile,
Your warmth,
Your laughter,
I even missed the arguments.
I guess I will never know why you left me.
But I realized that life goes on
And there’s plenty of more fish in the sea.
So you can go away and never come back!
But, the main reason that I wanted to call you,
Is that I wanted to tell you that
The girl you are with might have a disease.
How do I know you ask?
Well, let’s just say that was my goodbye gift to you.
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140,541 Literary Works • 673,412 Reviews
Hi everyone, I decided to bring out this poem one more time to see if anybody else wanted to comment on it. I love this poem and I hope you do to. Please be honest, don't try to butter me up.
Love,
Brooke
Thanks ana.
Wolves, I can't wait to read your book and more of your poems!
I think this s a really nice poem, but I agree that it needs a better rhythm. But good work, it is really nice!!! Bravo!
really great hey thanx 4 ur posts on my poems....i really do want to be a novelist.....im already working on my first book called why did it have to be me? .....
its about human trafflicking.....but anywayz i really enjoyed this poems....brings back soooooooo many memories... 
great job!!
Oh, sorry Silly. I think I know what you mean. I don't think there is one.
I didn't say rhyme scheme. I said rhythm... as in the beat/tempo? I'm not sure what the correct term is. I know that it's free verse, I just couldn't figure out how to read it.
It doesn't have a rhyme scheme because it was a free verse poem, Silly.
Hmm...
This was good, but I think it could be better. What your piece lacks the most of is a set rhythm (or maybe I just can't find it. lol) and enough emotion to allow your readers to feel what YOU feel. I understand what the point of this is, but I didn't connect... if that makes any sense. You didn't express enough to make me feel the same way that you do. Try... adding some deeper imagery, I suppose, and really paint a picture of your heart. (or whoever the poem is referring to)
Other than that, it was nice. Just work on adding a little more emotion and you should be good to go.
Best wishes with your work!
~*Sydney*~
Thank you for your great feedbacks!
Awesome. Way good. I like it!
-- M.B.Author
i really liked this. :]