Mirror, mirror on my wall

by blackstar

  • Poetry
  • Dramatic

Published June 12, 2011

Spoiler! :
When I was writing this, I was writing this as a song. So I guess these are lyrics. And I just put together random words, I don't know what this poetry/song/whatever! means.I just wrote whatever came into my mind.
And BTW, by fleshy prison cell I mean my body.


Looking through the windows of this fleshy prison cell
I see myself.
Mirror, mirror on my wall,
tell me how you are?
Have you ever been asked that,
Or is it just my voice you hear?

On nights, on days
Tears climb out my eyes and fall on my bed
Disappearing, I stare at them.

Disappearing, disappearing.

I stare at them.

Will I ever find the meaning for my life?
Or why I ask all these questions?
Will I, ever find someone who understands,
That I don't need a friend?
I am losing my light,
tears climb through my eyes.
I am losing my hope,
Blood streams pass by.

Will I ever belong,
To this world?
I don't know!

Will I ever find a way?
I need to say what I feel inside
I need to say what I mean, inside
The words never come out right.
In my mind they sound so bright!

Looking through the windows of this fleshy prison cell
I see myself.
Mirror, mirror on my wall,
tell me how you are?
Have you ever been asked that,
or is it just my voice you hear?

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
silentwords
Review
silentwords wrote a review Review · Jun 12, 2011

Okay, so I really liked the story behind this poem! I can actually really relate to it. :$
Anyways, I think you had some really good parts, but then some iffy parts. The flow wasn't really consistent either. However, you said that these were kind of lyrics so maybe when they are sung they sound better.I never really know how the flow is supposed to be with lyrics. Ahahaha. So, basically if this is a song, then only you can know if it flows nicely. (:

There were two parts in this poem when you made the same "mistake". At first I assumed it was just a typo but then you did it again at the end so then I was like.. um idk? ahahha! Anyways I am just going to point them out:

Looking through the windows of this fleshy prison cell
I see myself.
Mirror, mirror on the my wall,
tell me how you are?
Have you ever been asked that,
Or just is it just my voice you hear?

I think the first line is supposed to be "my" (since that is what is in the title)
The second line I'm not sure which one you wanted to use. I don't really think you should use both "the" and "my" and then "just" twice. It doesn't really make sense.

I liked how you asked questions throughout the poem.I thought it easier to relate to and understand. I got the feeling that they were feeling stressed. It gave the poem a nice emotion (:
You also had some really good imagery in here! Some beautiful lines!

Overall, I enjoyed this poem! I think it could use a little more work and editing, however I love how it looks so far (:
Great work!

User avatar
halogirl4197
Review
halogirl4197 wrote a review Review · Jun 12, 2011

Hello! :D I'm here to review. It was an alright poem, but I got some advice for you!

First, the stanzas don't have the same length of lines. It kind of breaks up the flow and makes it a bit messy. Also, the lines don't flow either. Maybe I am reading it wrong but some of the lines are a bit long. Especially in the beginning. Also, in the beginning, I don't under the fleshy prison cell? How can a cell be fleshy? Please explain.

The punctuation is perfect, all I can say is WAY TO MANY QUESTIONS. I am not saying that's a bad thing :) but there's just to many. It makes the reader wonder what the person is thinking.

I also love your description, very nice and helps me imagine the scenes occurring.

But overall, you did pretty good! Keep practicing! :D Practice makes awesomeness! (I don't say perfect because awesomeness sounds cooler! :D)



Maybe the real Mariah Carey was the friends we made along the way
— Ravena