Dark, dark the night
And the eye darker still
Sight impeccable--
And yet unseeing--
The world before it dances
With averted glances
For its hollow delight.
------------------------------------------
The darkness shatters,
With a fading light--
A bitter tune there springs
Dark, dark the mind
And the seeing eye blind...
Yet this, in our soul,
But a cold, silent gust--
For we are mortal
And truth sings not for us.
------------------------------------------
Dark, dark the night
And the heart darker still
Emotion beguiling
And yet defiling--
Heaven before it shimmers
The stars--forsaken glimmers--
Of immortal rite.
------------------------------------------
The darkness shudders
With divine desire--
And within the warps
Of duplicity's cloak
Weeps not a song,
But insatiable thirst--
Yet this, in our soul
But intangible lust.
For we are mortal
And peace dwells not in us.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey, there!
I don't think I can stress enough how much I LOOOOVE dark poetry. It's my all-time favorite, and I am a huge fan of Poe. Something about it just draws me. I'm not quite sure what it is. Maybe the allure of mental torment, or the curiosity for what lies beneath the darkness. Curiosity killed the cat, sure, maybe. I, personally, have always felt like the cat in that story.
I love unreliable narrators...If you were to write anything like that, I think it would be amazing.
The atmosphere of your poem is gorgeous. Dark, windy nights and broken street-lamps. Gosh, I love it.
I don't really have any critique for you. I just love this piece and will definitely be reading more of your work. Can't wait!
-M
Thanks so much, starryknightt! I love Poe a lot too%u2014psychological and spiritual conflict are really interesting to grapple with.
Thanks for the follow! Look forward to reading your work as well.
Hi blackblade!
(I like smileys 
)
This poem is cool because it is mysterious and, well, dark. It gave me chills as I read it but almost in a good way. It is pretty cool. I would have to say that the second verse is my favorite. I don't know why but it was the one to jump out at me.
Quick question: do you write only poetry or do you like to write novels too? Just curious but I look forward to reading more of your work all the same!:) Also, welcome to YWS! It's pretty awesome here and I know I can say that you will have a lot of fun here!
Your friend,
Honora
Hi Honora%u2014
.
Thanks so much for the support and the welcome! In school we have done a lot of poetry, so I feel the most comfortable with this style, but I am also trying to get more into short stories / flash fiction. I%u2019ll try to post some once I get something I can share
Blackblade
No problem! You have an awesome way with words!
I really enjoyed reading this poem, very mysterious! The way each stanza has alternating beginnings adds to the ambiguity. A one thing I noticed that could make this poem even better, (feel free to not take this suggestion). The fourth line of the second stanza starts with, "Dark, dark the...". Which is also what you use to start every other stanza. It might be better to have that sort of line at the beginning of a stanza, rather than in the middle. Other than that it is absolutely amazing!
Keep up the good work!
Hi, thanks for the review! That part was in italics because I was intentionally trying to recall the first lines of the first stanza, though I could try to play around and see if there is anything different I can do.