Ghosts

Hello!

Overall I enjoyed this story. The dialogue, in particular, was really good. I heard it being said in a very laid back way, and it characterized the town well. I also liked other ways you characterized the town, such as the movies and little details like the way places are named, "saloon" instead of "bar" for example. It was nice to see the South captured in a way that wasn't told, but shown in every sentence.

The very first paragraph, before the line break, was confusing. It was hard to picture the imagery of the whole thing. The second sentence in particular was loaded with adjectives and just doesn't seem to fit the rest of the style of the story. If it ties into something later, then it's not so bad, but I would take a look at the second and third sentences. They're the longest/most confusing of the lot. Mostly, the imagery of the cat. Is it a ghost she's seeing? Is it just skin and bones? I can get having such an element of mystery to the whole thing, given the title of the story, but it was just a bit hard to get past.

Hope this helps! PM me if you need anything.

~Rosey

Hello blackbird12!
This is an excellent story. Very well written, I really don't have much to say about the grammar, except for the fact that sometimes I didn't understand what the character was saying. I would give you an example but I can't find it in the reading. Next time, I would avoid a long entry because its a major turn off for other YWS users to read. I think maybe if you split this into two it would be better. I would make his run in with his stepmother and Leah one chapter, and his visit with Jack another. That way, it's easy on the eyes and people can appreciate your writing better. I find that in large doses, people get tired of reading and it takes away from their ability to review your work.

You're an awesome writer! Keep at the good work
-SodapopLunchbox