Young Writers Society

Nice! The rhyme scheme is a little sketchy, but I like the poem!

Hey there, bla! Nice to review your poem on this fine day. This is going to be short, I have to warn you, this is going to be a short review for a short poem. But I'll do my best to help you make this the best it could be!

Now, first of all, quickly: I'm happy to see fanfiction written in forms other than prose. I believe that fanfiction can be used as a stepping stone leading to greater endeavors, and not all of those endeavors will be prose-based. Now let's talk about rhyme scheme. Here's the poem, as I understand it: "aabccbdefegghhijjkk".

Now, I know YWS can be intimidating formatting-wise, but I'm going to suggest you put a hyphen or something between some of the lines to differentiate between the stanzas. Specifically, between "They come back again unveiled" and "They fight the monsters," and "The journey isn't over yet!" and "'Cause even though,", and "Evil has prevailed." and "Mother Nature's slumber ends,". Now, I know that's confusing, but I want to quickly talk about punctuation, then come back to this. So. The punctuation in this poem is not optimal. It confuses the reader when you use a comma after every line, which is one of the pitfalls of rhyming poetry. So... rather than talk about each change individually (you're an excellent writer--you don't have time for that), I'll just paste my changes grammar/phrasing/punctuation-wise in this spoiler:

He swings his sword,

They come back again unveiled.

The only place where she can die.

NAJA, I love this!! Good job! Dang, you just made me really happy...
XD So, you already know I love it, so I'm gonna go straight to being nit-picky, as I've got only a few suggestions for this.
First: Stanzas. I feel like stanzas would really benefit your poem here, as it would break up the different thoughts and make it easier to read. So, yeah. You're punctuation is pretty much spotless, so wherever you put a period, end a stanza.
Now that I'm thinking about punctuation, I realize you have a comma at the end of each line. This is fine, but there are a few spots I think you could easily take out a comma, just for the flow of the poem. I would suggest reading it aloud and taking out commas in the spots where you do not pause in reading. People tend to read like they speak.

They fight the monsters,
That haunt dreams,
Throw large mountains,
And drain streams.

All to fight the biggest threat,
The journey isn't over yet!

All to fight the biggest threat-
The journey isn't over yet!

HEYY PROMISSED REVIEW FROM CELLO!

OKAY SO THE RHYMING PATTERN-MINOR EDITS (What's with the caps, I ask myself, I don't know. And why are you talking to yourself, I respond.)

*Deep breath* Okay actually going to help now

So you change your pattern quite a bit

He swings his sword,

And all aboard,

The Agro two has sailed.

But even though,

The monsters go,

They come back again unveiled.

They fight the monsters,

That haunt dreams,

Throw large mountains,

And drain streams.

All to fight the biggest threat,

The journey isn't over yet,

'Cause even though,

The monsters go,

'Cause even though,

The monsters go,

Evil has prevailed.

Mother Nature's slumber ends,

To fight the water boy and friends,

But they take her up-up to the sky,

The only place where she can die.

'Cause even though,

The monsters go,

Evil has prevailed.

All to fight the biggest threat,

The journey isn't over yet,

'Cause even though,

The monsters go,

Evil has prevailed.

Great job on this poem! I liked that this was based off of Blood of Olympus. Your rhymes are good but inconsistent and the line "Evil has prevailed" does not fit with the rhythm of the poem. In my opinion, the poem ends abruptly. I would like the end to be when Leo crashes into Mother Nature with the Argo II and they both die. Also, when I read the line "To fight the water boy and friends," I was unsure if water is supposed to be a separate word or an adjective. If it is a separate word, then you could put a comma between water and boy. If it is an adjective, then you could put a hyphen between water and boy. Overall, this poem was interesting. I liked it. Keep writing!