Physical Violence Against Children
There are laws against child abuse, but that doesn’t stop a lot of people from hitting their beautiful children, and making them too scared to tell anyone. So many children in the world are cowering in corners, trying to fold in on themselves so the pain wouldn’t hurt as much as it did when they were sitting up straight.
They can’t run away, in fear that their parents or guardians in general will find them, and hurt them even more than what they already have. All those kids have to go through all kinds of pain, every day, just because they can’t tell anyone, and the people who heard their screams during the day were too cowardly to call the police.
The kids have to choose different kinds of clothes to wear than other children just so the sleeves or collars would cover up all the evidence of their beatings. If anyone saw their scars, they would mock and humiliate them to the point that they become so depressed they try to take their own lives.
All of these case, the police just call a suicide. But did they even look into the lives of those kids? Did they ever realise that those kids were so depressed and that they thought they didn’t have anything to live for anymore?
Maybe there would be no funeral, because their parents or guardians didn’t care enough to see their child for the last time before they are buried. Maybe the parents/guardians would be happy that the child they beat everyday had finally cut the strings.
We can’t stop everyone who does this, but we can at least try to stop the abuse that happens in a house near you, because those kids need our help.
-Bethany13
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140,227 Literary Works • 673,047 Reviews
Hey there.
Your topic was REALLY good. The content was also very good, but it seemed a bit slow. Like it didn't have the basic element of writing.
Okay well, if you were writing from an academic point of view, this was awesome. A newspaper article, good. But something for a magazine, no. See the difference?
I loved it still, good job.
Keep writing and keep smiling
xoxo
I can relate for my life has mainly been about abuse all types
Honestly, this was amazing. If this is a personal experience, I am so sorry. But, this was really descriptive. you should submit it to an anti child abuse website, if they have something like that. I know that this probably won't help much, because I can barely use proper grammar myself, much less correct someone else on it. But, if this helps, maybe you could ease into the topic, instead of hitting us with it, right off the bat (oh god, I've put that in a horrible way, as you were talking about abuse,and I just... sorry). Also, I know that most people would say otherwise, but if you could add a bit more fluff? Y'know, just for emphasis. Now, don't let anyone tell you that you were too aggressive, because in this case, aggressive is just what you need. If you were any nicer, or shy, people would just walk by. With this sort of stuff, it is better to be blunt. Now, feel free to ignore all of what I have said, because it is your writing, and you don't need to change it for the sake of others. Good job, it was a very powerful piece
Honestly, this was amazing. If this is a personal experience, I am so sorry. But, this was really descriptive. you should submit it to an anti child abuse website, if they have something like that. I know that this probably won't help much, because I can barely use proper grammar myself, much less correct someone else on it. But, if this helps, maybe you could ease into the topic, instead of hitting us with it, right off the bat (oh god, I've put that in a horrible way, as you were talking about abuse,and I just... sorry). Also, I know that most people would say otherwise, but if you could add a bit more fluff? Y'know, just for emphasis. Now, don't let anyone tell you that you were too aggressive, because in this case, aggressive is just what you need. If you were any nicer, or shy, people would just walk by. With this sort of stuff, it is better to be blunt. Now, feel free to ignore all of what I have said, because it is your writing, and you don't need to change it for the sake of others. Good job, it was a very powerful piece
Hello. Beth here, to review your work.
Well first off, this is great first try. The message behind this essay is straightforward and certainly something to ponder, though different people have their own takes on the topic.
Apart from the content, the delivery of your essay could have been more artistic, like a bit more of a 'punch' to it, if you understand. Its just my opinion, but I felt like it didn't exactly speak to me. You need to add a bit more flavor to your work, its what appeals to the readers and takes them in. But on the whole, it was a well written essay so keep practicing till your arms wear out ;p
Cheers
VeraciousBeth
Hi there. Welcome to YWS. I am sure you are having a great time here. I am here for a review. I hope you find it helpful. Please note that whatever I say is just what I think and you have the right to simply ignore whatever I say.
Anyway, here I go!
The idea of writing this type of an essay, article, or a blog post wasn't bad. I know how you feel because I have been through all this already. I am too old for experiencing this again but I can't forget my past!
Let's, first, talk about some grammatical errors and then we shall come back and look at how to and how it could have been better.
You don't need a comma after the word "children".
"Cowering in corners" Wrong verb used there, dude. Think of a better one, please.
The first sentence of your second paragraph is wrong! The use of commas is terrible. You should avoid using them if you don't know how to use them.
"They"? Who are they anyway? This was really confusing and I am still unable to understand what you meant!
There are numerous problems with this mini essay of yours. I can't really pick up all the grammatical errors here because I don't have much time. You really have to improve on your punctuation!
Overall, I kind of disagree. I have been through child abuse and stuff but I agree that parents hit you for a reason! My teacher used to say "No one is more loving in this world than your mom." "There are only two loyal people you'll find in this world - they are your parents."
No matter what you do, or say, your mom will forgive you - even if you have killed someone! That's the love of the mother.
So, I am sorry for saying all that but I am disappointed from this essay of yours. You are really young and you are yet to experience a lot in life. I hope you have a bright future! If you need anything, kindly let me know.
Thanks!
Thanks for the review. And I have never gone through abuse personally but I know people who have, and they are too scared to speak outs. This review I hope is going to help me a lot through the years of my writing, and your feedback really helped.
Cheers:)
A very good piece overall. I'm not going to grammar check because I am sure someone who is better at English than I am will come around to grammar check this for you. Instead, I just wanted to say that your sense of urgency throughout the whole piece is very good, which should urge people to go and help, as well as presenting your facts in an easy manner to read as well as making short and concise, but informative, which was perfect for this piece. Nice job.
Thanks I really appreciate your feedback.
Bethany13