z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Human

by bellathebookworm


What
does it mean
to be human
she asks

I tell her
I don't know

But when I sit back
and think
I realize
to be human
is to feel pain
and fear

Not just my fear
but others

To feel their pain
accept it
and carry it with mine

To feel their fear
understand it
and carry it with mine

Fear of death
fear of the dark
fear of the light

To be human
is to live
with another's feelings

To be human
is to take another's fear
and set it free

To be human
is to take another's pain
and make it mine

It is my right
my burden
my privilege

Is it yours?


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
415 Reviews


Points: 246
Reviews: 415

Donate
Sun May 31, 2015 11:28 pm
Eros wrote a review...



Heya Clippedwings!!

This is Eros here to review your work!!

I read your poem "Human". It is a nic poem explaining the condition of Humans. A girl asks you a question of " What does it mean to be a Human?". You did not answer her. But you realise the answer that it is nothing but to live in a fear. A fear of Death and the dark and even the light. I like reading the poem. It is full of emotions.You are writing really great! Keep it up!




ClippedWings says...


Thanks



User avatar
134 Reviews


Points: 74
Reviews: 134

Donate
Sun Apr 26, 2015 11:11 am
DrFeelGood wrote a review...



Hi there fellow writer, I am here to review your Humane poem.

So, I have the exact same issues with it like the reviewer below me stated. However calling this a draft is a bit too rude. I do believe this poem has a lot of potential abut looks been-there-seen-that kind of a poem. I am also not sure how this is "cultural" poem unless you are talking about human race as a culture.

But the basic thing lacking in this poem is a coherent plot. Okay, so there are poems without a plot but the thought here in itself is quite stale. It's been done far too many times before. The only way you can convey this idea again successfully is by weaving a unique plot around this theme. Try to imagine a set up where you can "show" what you want to convey, rather than stating it outright.

Another thing which nagged me is your repetition of words. Particularly 'fear'

is to feel pain
and fear

Not just my fear

Fear of death
fear of the dark
fear of the light


Just look how many times you have repeated that word. Making a point is great, but this looked forced. Let the words flow naturally. Weave a plot and let the voice come out naturally.

In spite of all the criticism I still feel, you were successful in engaging me consistently. There was a hiccup in narration when 'fear' was overused, yet it never stopped the fast paced narration.

It's ultimately your poem and its up to you how much to change it, but yeah, it's very readable. Keep writing! I loved your previous "cannibal poem"




User avatar
47 Reviews


Points: 32
Reviews: 47

Donate
Thu Apr 16, 2015 2:47 am
RebelWriter wrote a review...



This, no offense,predictable and already been said before. Now, delve further into detail and explanation. Explain the pain we take as burdens and the pain we naturally carry as our own. What fears? Go deeper into this. Describe the fears in great detail with colorful adjectives. To know each others feeling... What feeling? Love.. sadness... depresssion..joy..? See all the options you can explore with This? This, in my opinion, is a good first draft. Edit it, read and re-read this both in your head and aloud and see if you like the way it sounds... change what you don't and don't hesitate to ask for opinions and suggestions. Very nice.
Feel free to review my work, This is our song, sometime! ^_^




ClippedWings says...


Thanks for the review!



User avatar
34 Reviews


Points: 480
Reviews: 34

Donate
Thu Apr 16, 2015 2:00 am
jayflames1 says...



so empathy?




ClippedWings says...


Something like that



jayflames1 says...


cool



ClippedWings says...


Thanks



User avatar
48 Reviews


Points: 833
Reviews: 48

Donate
Thu Apr 16, 2015 1:57 am
WeasleyDragonStar wrote a review...



Huh. I myself contemplate the human nature and what it means to be human often, mostly because my main character that I focus has been terribly affected by humans in terrible and wonderful ways.
It's very terrible to study humans, it really does put a strain upon oneself, but I like that you have done so.
This is going to maybe sound harsh, but what has been stated in this poem has already been discovered. What it means to be human, and everything. Perhaps going into more depth or further explaining the realms of human pain would improve the poem, or using more figurative language and/or fancier vocab. Use a mix of simplicity and purple language.
I very much like the last five stanzas. Awesome question.
There's definitely potential. Keep writing!




ClippedWings says...


Thanks for reviewing!




attempting foot extraction
— Mea