What
does it mean
to be human
she asks
I tell her
I don't know
But when I sit back
and think
I realize
to be human
is to feel pain
and fear
Not just my fear
but others
To feel their pain
accept it
and carry it with mine
To feel their fear
understand it
and carry it with mine
Fear of death
fear of the dark
fear of the light
To be human
is to live
with another's feelings
To be human
is to take another's fear
and set it free
To be human
is to take another's pain
and make it mine
It is my right
my burden
my privilege
Is it yours?
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Heya Clippedwings!!
This is Eros here to review your work!!
I read your poem "Human". It is a nic poem explaining the condition of Humans. A girl asks you a question of " What does it mean to be a Human?". You did not answer her. But you realise the answer that it is nothing but to live in a fear. A fear of Death and the dark and even the light. I like reading the poem. It is full of emotions.You are writing really great! Keep it up!
Thanks
Hi there fellow writer, I am here to review your
Humanepoem.So, I have the exact same issues with it like the reviewer below me stated. However calling this a draft is a bit too rude. I do believe this poem has a lot of potential abut looks been-there-seen-that kind of a poem. I am also not sure how this is "cultural" poem unless you are talking about human race as a culture.
But the basic thing lacking in this poem is a coherent plot. Okay, so there are poems without a plot but the thought here in itself is quite stale. It's been done far too many times before. The only way you can convey this idea again successfully is by weaving a unique plot around this theme. Try to imagine a set up where you can "show" what you want to convey, rather than stating it outright.
Another thing which nagged me is your repetition of words. Particularly 'fear'
Just look how many times you have repeated that word. Making a point is great, but this looked forced. Let the words flow naturally. Weave a plot and let the voice come out naturally.
In spite of all the criticism I still feel, you were successful in engaging me consistently. There was a hiccup in narration when 'fear' was overused, yet it never stopped the fast paced narration.
It's ultimately your poem and its up to you how much to change it, but yeah, it's very readable. Keep writing! I loved your previous "cannibal poem"
This, no offense,predictable and already been said before. Now, delve further into detail and explanation. Explain the pain we take as burdens and the pain we naturally carry as our own. What fears? Go deeper into this. Describe the fears in great detail with colorful adjectives. To know each others feeling... What feeling? Love.. sadness... depresssion..joy..? See all the options you can explore with This? This, in my opinion, is a good first draft. Edit it, read and re-read this both in your head and aloud and see if you like the way it sounds... change what you don't and don't hesitate to ask for opinions and suggestions. Very nice.
Feel free to review my work, This is our song, sometime! ^_^
Thanks for the review!
so empathy?
Something like that
cool
Thanks
Huh. I myself contemplate the human nature and what it means to be human often, mostly because my main character that I focus has been terribly affected by humans in terrible and wonderful ways.
It's very terrible to study humans, it really does put a strain upon oneself, but I like that you have done so.
This is going to maybe sound harsh, but what has been stated in this poem has already been discovered. What it means to be human, and everything. Perhaps going into more depth or further explaining the realms of human pain would improve the poem, or using more figurative language and/or fancier vocab. Use a mix of simplicity and purple language.
I very much like the last five stanzas. Awesome question.
There's definitely potential. Keep writing!
Thanks for reviewing!