Published April 20, 2010
I look in the mirror and see spots
i look in the mirror again and see ugly
i look in the mirror for the last time and see
beutiful
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140,582 Literary Works • 673,538 Reviews
Hello there and Welcome to YWS!
That's for sure short but cute. I like the concept and the idea of your poem. Remember, you need to always capitalize "I". That's the only mistakes you got in there. The poem you have is very simple and you can actually do something about it that would make it good to make it more lavish to read.
Peace out!
I have to agree with Jagged as well. I like the idea of the poem, and I'm sure it would be a great poem if, and I'm not meaning to reiterate Jagged and etheralember, you were to expand.
Having said that, my writing has been known to be bare as well, so perhaps I'm not one to comment.
I'm afraid I have to agree with Jagged. this poem could use a lot more flavour... for example, you could talk about WHY you suddenly see beautiful. This is a skeleton of a theme that needs flesh and blood. You have so many words at your disposal in the English language that you can "paint a picture with", so to speak. It feels like an incredibly lazy way to approach your subject choice. You end up robbing your readers of the chance to really step into this experience with the mirror. Not to say that it necessarily has to be longer, but it has to make an impact. That is why we write.
Plus, it doesn't cost you anything to spell check
This poem is really, really bland, if you'll excuse my saying so. There's nothing in here that's original, nor any image - or words - that makes it worth the read. It might, theoretically speaking, serve for a passable ending for a longer poem; a conclusion, perhaps, or a recap on a theme. As it is though, it's frankly just three lines and a very cliche idea. Expand. Also, consider re-reading yourself: 'beautiful' is not spelled the way you think it is, and given the length of this, there isn't really an excuse for letting it pass.
I liked it. Short poems are always better than really long ones. I also agree with the thing about the I's at the start of the lines.
Simple and short,
I liked it. But I'm sure you know you should capitalize your "I's" in the beginning of each line. I know their not full sentences, but it would look nicer. Still very cool little poem. Props