Threads

I like this, kind of sombre. Very good flow, only a few errors but they've already been corrected. Well done! I love this poem.

I like this. Very good flow, only a few errors but they've already been corrected. Well done! I love this poem.

thank you both for your reveiews and i will go back and fix it soon as possible


*BeCcAbErRy*

Hello my dear friend! I am going to give you a line by line review *pops fingers* So here we go.

I think first off your flow is a bit off, but eliminating some words and changing some stuff around would help this. THe other thing is you lack description and metaphors which are oh so abundant in todays writings.

Anyway moving on to the review.

beccaberry wrote:A heart hanging by a thread,
dreading every word that is said. This should be that's.
Wishing for the key to unlock a world unkown, I would put a world unknown on the next line, then put the last line by itself.

this heart waits for its true love.


Dreaming of that shiny key every night, I would take out every night.
hoping it fits the dark rusted old key hole. To much boring description is throwing off the flow in this line.Wondering if it will break into this cold dead heart,
and fix all the scars.
But all the meormies will stay,
and follow me to the grave. Love these lines.

Looking up to the stars as they shine, [b]I don't like the as they shine part for some reason.
bright threw the night.
Trying hard not to fly away on the clouds so gray, This had nothign to do with the rest of the poem and it was distracting.

this heart can only take so much,
hopefully this is true love.

Oh yes, another one of those dark pieces that are getting more abundant as time goes on. The poem has good feeling in it, a tiny bit of suspense, but that not much. There are just a few errors.

Wishing for the key to unlock a world #FF0000 ">unkown,

But all the #FF0000 ">meormies will stay,

bright #FF0000 ">threw the night.