z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

my feeling for my juniors

by batrisyia


Junior, junior, junior. They are really sometimes very good and sometimes very damn annoying. I just can not avoid to have them in my life. In secondary school, junior is something everyone wished not to have. You know? They acted like they are too famous in the social media chat so people in the school have to respect them. Kill it! I can not accept it. We have the rules in this school. Junior have and must respect the seniors. But, they are too much. How? They keep on not greeting the seniors here, keep on gossiping the seniors IN FRONT of the seniors, how rude they are. I am so sad to have them. Last night, they have a really big problem with the 16-years-old seniors. I do not really know the real story but what i know, both of them are wrong. One is the person with bad mouth, one is the person with bad attitude. But, in my point of view, we, as the juniors have to respect the elders, have to follow the rules and else. Obeying the discipline is the most important thing to do. And, last but not least, juniors is something that we never wished to be but have to be. I just can not accept what are my juniors doing nowadays towards their seniors.

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Wed Mar 16, 2016 4:39 pm
Clarkr16 says...



This is great! Honestly at every school this happens. I would just say that you need to get your thoughts a little more clear. Although over all it is great!




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Wed Mar 16, 2016 4:39 pm
Clarkr16 says...



This is great! Honestly at every school this happens. I would just say that you need to get your thoughts a little more clear. Although over all it is great!




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Mon Aug 17, 2015 6:46 pm
SecreteJournalist wrote a review...



Hey, SecreteJournalist here, but do feel free to call me Brie! I'm here to do a quick review. I'm just going to nitpick grammar and what not, since I can't critique a persons thoughts.


Nitpicks:


They are really sometimes very good and sometimes very damn annoying.


Switch the word really and sometimes at the beginning of the sentence, to keep with the flow of the second part of your sentence after the 'and'.


I just can not avoid to have them in my life.


Maybe try rewording this to something like 'I just can't seem to avoid having them in my life'.


In secondary school, junior is something everyone wished not to have. You know?


I think you should explain what a Junior is here. Maybe it's due to the fact that we probably live in different places, but I've never heard of a Junior before. Unless you're talking about a Junior in High School, which you should explain and specify in your rant.


We have the rules in this school. Junior have and must respect the seniors.


Make juniors plural. And also, you should mention that you have social rules in this school, because I guarantee the school does not have a rule for that.


I am so sad to have them.


What do you mean by this? Explain.



Last night, they have a really big problem with the 16-years-old seniors. I do not really know the real story but what i know, both of them are wrong.


'have' should be 'had'. And capitalize the 'i'.


One is the person with bad mouth, one is the person with bad attitude.


It should be 'a bad mouth' and 'a bad attitude'.


But, in my point of view, we, as the juniors have to respect the elders, have to follow the rules and else.


All I have to say is that this sentence is beyond confusing. Revise it.


I just can not accept what are my juniors doing nowadays towards their seniors.


Get rid of the word 'my'.



I won't use my personal opinions as I finish up this review, because that isn't any of my business to be debating your work. I think this would be cool if you changed it up and made it a poem by rephrasing this, like NicolMemo said. But, this kind of writing/rant that this currently would be much better in the blog section of the website. If you don't know how to use it, do feel free to message me and I'd be glad to help!

I hope the nitpicks have helped!

Sincerely,
SecreteJournalist
AKA
Brie




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Thu Jul 30, 2015 2:20 pm
fukase wrote a review...



Hi,
yet, I think I somewhat know you...

Junior. Yes, I agreed with you that junior is quite troublesome, rude and of course, very damn good AKA kind/helpful/sincere/humble/etc.

First!
What are you trying to do? Are you simply expressing your feelings towards your junior, here?
(Your junior is actually is my junior too, if I actually know you, yes.)

I hate nitpicking but I feel like it. Although I know you're not actually doing something that relating the grammar.

Junior, junior, junior.

I love this, actually because it makes the mode/tone in this work well. You ARE suitable to become a poet. A great one if you tried. Be confidence with your writing! Don't mind people's thoughts. Just try and keep trying. You have the ability and in fact, everyone does if they are trying and keep improving themselves. Try to listen to other, you're not a god to begin with. ANYWAY, your should trying to put a semicolon in the last comma up there:

Junior, junior; junior.


See! Or an 'and' too!

NEXT!

They are really sometimes very good and sometimes very damn annoying.


I like the way you used the parallel structure in here. It is flowing well.
You shouldn't put the 'really'. Or try putting commas before and/or after sometimes.
Like this.

They are really, sometimes, very good and sometimes, very damn annoying.


I-I'm exhausted... Okay, I'll give you an overall review...

OKAY! Be really careful about this. (Turning red...)

YOU SOMETIMES DIDN'T PUT THE COMMA IN CERTAIN PARTS! Then, if you really want to know the simple skill to improve on this part, here's it. READ YOUR WORK/S AGAIN; TRY TO PUT COMMA OR SEMICOLON IN THE PLACES THAT YOU SUDDENLY PAUSED. It will help ya!

Moving on, the plurals and the singulars usage. You put wrong tenses on the wrong subject/s
and vice-verse.

Next, typos. Easy to repair, so don't worry much. Everyone does it.

Lastly, the tone or the mood in your writing. This work is kinda informal and you used some 'harsh' words in this. So, why aren't you just make some words abbreviated. Like are not, aren't and that is, that's. Correct tone/mood makes the readers keep on with reading.

Turning blue...

Like I said, you're good if you write a poem! I'm so sure of it. You can turn this work into a poem! It would be great!

Okay! That's all, I truly hope I helped ya!
CIAO!

~Nicol Memo. (You know me, right?)

P/s: My stomach hurts!!!





The bigger the issue, the smaller you write. Remember that. You don’t write about the horrors of war. No. You write about a kid’s burnt socks lying on the road. You pick the smallest manageable part of the big thing, and you work off the resonance.
— Richard Price