I want to let down my hair,
Let it hang to my shoulders,
Be seen as I see myself.
I want to wear skirts and jewels,
Sun dresses and necklaces,
Nice breasts and bras to hide them.
To me, I am not a man.
Feminine spirit inside,
It asks for expression always.
My voice is clearly a man's,
It's depth does not concern me,
My sound does not define me.
I am lucky to live now,
An era that accepts me,
Expression of who I am.
One day, I will live out loud.
Probably not wild, but free.
A future at peace with me.
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Canary word: Present
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
Hello! Retro here for a review
I myself am known for writing LGBTQ+ poems, so naturally this spoke to me. I'll do one or two nitpicks then talk about what I liked, okay?
'Nice breasts and bras to hide them.'
I feel as though you need a 'have' before Nice, just to aid the flow a tad
'Feminine spirit inside,
It asks for expression always. '
I feel as though this is a little clunky. I'd rearrange it slightly so it flows more as a natural speech pattern. One of the good things about this poem is that it has a metre which suggests that it should be spoken so i'd try to stick to that sort of pattern
'Expression of who I am'
I get what you're trying to say with the line but it doesn't really fit into the stanza. Maybe something along the lines of 'one that allows me to express who i am' would be more appropriate.
Though that is it for nitpicks. I think this is a really good coming out sort of poem. I mean my latest poem is called coming out so i can definitely relate. You have a really short and sweet piece that feels really personal. You have a really nice spoken nature to it as well which makes it almost appear confessional and I think it suits the theme perfectly.
A great job,
keep it up,
~Retro
Hello, I'm here to review on your poetry ^_^
Well, now, your poetry is short, but complete and everything was perfect from start to end. As though written with heartfelt emotion, it conveys to the reader a message to be themselves, to never be afraid to show to the world who they are, to always look forward to the future.
I really loved the simple words you used here. Short and succinct-- they deliver the message perfectly. This is a really nice piece of work.
~Brunnera
Bashland,
Positive comments: I loved the honesty you portrayed in this poem. The stanzas and verses also flowed nicely together.
Nitpicks and suggestions: Maybe some more description?
I think this poem has a lot of potential.
-Savvy